The Painful Tranquility
by LittleWingN7
Summary: What a shame it would be, to win this war only to realize that everything we fought for was nothing more than false hope and empty promises. Perhaps we were naive, to assume that life would be easy once the fighting stopped. Liara/Shepard(F)
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

It's dark, that's all I know for certain. I can't feel my limbs, my body feels like it's been detached from me. The world is foggy, distant, as if I'm surrounded by a glass bubble. Everything I hear is distanced, unreachable. I want to move, to scream, but I can't seem to function.

The first bit of strength I find is my eyes, they open and I'm staring up at a giant hole above me. The light shining down is bright, blinding but I can't protect my eyes, so I reluctantly close them, silently hoping they'll open again.

They do, and I glance around as best I can and see nothing but rubble, ash and smoke all around me. What's happened? Where I am? I don't know, I look up again, the light is shimmering white, like the stories I heard growing up about heaven. Is that what this is, should I give in and go towards the light?

Well, that'd be a fine sentiment if I could actually move, but I can't. So I take a long, deep breath and try and get my brain to move the muscles in my hand. There is a pain, a shooting pain that goes down my arm and I'm thrilled by this simply because I can _feel _it. My hand twitches, I lift one finger, than two, than a third and suddenly I'm pulling my right arm up ever so slightly.

That's when the feeling starts to return to the other parts of my body, and I realize that I was much better off numb.

My back hurts, as if it's been stabbed with a thousand blades, cuts are searing at my skin from every nerve. My leg is throbbing, my neck is tight, and my left arm feels as if it's been broken.

I can't decide which pain to focus on, they're all fighting for supremacy.

Finding enough strength in my neck, I lift my head just enough to take in more of my surroundings. That's when I see the boulder pressing my left leg to the ground. It's big, bigger than anything I could move on my own.

I check my arm next, yep, definitely not moving it with this thing. It's broken, no doubt as I try to move my wrist and can't.

A rush of breach comes into my lungs, I feel it strike my throat and it stings. I have no choice, it may hurt but I have to try.

"HELP!" I cry, my throat feeling as if it's caught fire as tears sting at my eyes. The tightness the scream puts my body through sends shockwaves of pain to every inch of me. It's overwhelming, I can feel the world around me darkening as I struggle to stay awake.

It's hopeless, I lay my head back down and rest, exhausted as I stare up at the beam of light above.

I want to believe it's heaven, I want to believe it's peace…waiting for me.

But…I don't want to die. I don't want to leave.


	2. Chapter One

_"If tomorrow starts without me, and I'm not there to see,_  
_If the sun should rise and find your eyes all filled with tears for me;_  
_I wish so much you wouldn't cry the way you did today,_  
_while thinking of the many things we didn't get to say._  
_I know how much you love me, as much as I love you,_  
_and each time that you think of me I know you'll miss me too"_

**Chapter One**

"Dr. T'Soni?" A voice called, but Liara was far too gone to hear it. She hadn't moved in over an hour, staring off out the window into the mess hall as Dr. Karin Chakwas tended to the open wound on her shoulder.

The ship had made an emergency landing…somewhere on Earth, Liara couldn't remember. It was green, beautiful, but so empty to her. She'd heard the cheers on the CIC when the reports came in. The Reapers had been destroyed. The galaxy was saved.

She let herself smile for a second, to embrace the victory and the knowledge that they'd accomplished their goal. Then she saw everyone hugging and embracing and realized the only person she wanted to share that moment with wasn't on the ship. That she'd been left behind to give them _all _that moment.

Dr. Chakwas had noticed her, watching at a distance as everyone enjoyed the victory, and guided her to the much quieter med bay and patched up her injuries.

"Liara?" The voice again called, this time grabbing the Asari's attention. "Here," the human doctor offered her a glass filled with a maple colored liquid. "It'll help with the pain."

"My arm doesn't hurt." She whispered.

Chakwas nodded. "I know," and offered the drink anyways.

Liara accepted it and took a long, slow sip before settling the glass down atop the mattress she was sitting on. That was when she realized she was still fully cloaked in armor. It felt heavy all the sudden, restricting and she pushed herself up to a standing position and unlatched the large chest plate and dropped it to the floor with a loud clank.

To her credit, Dr. Chakwas didn't flinch, just watched with a steady eye and finished off her drink.

One piece after another fell to the floor until Liara was left in only the black meshing undercover of her armor. She felt better, as if she could finally breathe again and knelt down to pick up the pieces. She gathered them and put them in a pile under the bed in the med bay before sitting back down and having another drink.

"She was a stubborn girl, wasn't she?" Karin said, looking into the Asari's eyes.

Liara nodded a bit before looking back down at her drink. "She was," there was a catch in her throat. "She knew." Liara said simply and then finished off her drink.

Karin licked her lips and nodded. "I believe she always did, a part of her anyways…had accepted it."

"I don't, I…can't accept it. She should be here."

"Look out there," Dr. Chakwas pointed to the mess where everyone, including now James, Samantha and a few others had joined, were pouring champagne and cheering. "She is in every single one of them. She's touched every life left today and every life that will come after."

Selfishness was overcoming Liara at this point, the sentiment wasn't enough. "I can't see her eyes when I look at any of them, I won't hear her voice when I speak to them. _She _should be here."

Putting her empty glass down, Liara stood and gathered the pieces of her armor.

"Thank you," she said simply. "I'll be in my cabin if anyone needs me."

And with that, she crossed over to her cabin. Passing by everyone as the screamed and cheered, none of them watching her for too long.

When the door shut behind her, away from it all, she slid to the floor and sat, tears overwhelming her as she cried.

They'd won their freedom.

But Liara felt as if she'd lost _everything_.

Slowly, Liara opened her eyes and found herself lost. She didn't recognize where she was, but the glow of the mass of monitors in her quarters gave away her location, it was the angle that had changed.

She wasn't in her bed, she was on the floor, curled up next to the door. As soon as she moved, the fault in her evening revealed itself in the tinge of pain in her arm and back. She'd been hurt last night, she remembered now.

And suddenly it all came back, as if she were reliving it all over again. The truck flipping over above her, the moment where she felt Garrus roughly shove her aside. The explosion and that feeling of jagged metal slicing through her skin as it tore at her arm. Her leg was damaged, her head hurt and when she looked up, Shepard was racing to her.

Liara closed her eyes, trying to remember that moment, remember Shepard's face and it came to her. Those bright eyes and that look of determination. How it wavered when their eyes met through the wreckage.

"_Anyone awake in there?" _A voice called over the com, it was Garrus.

Looking up at the ceiling, Liara rolled onto her back and sighed. "Yes, what is it?" She asked, trying not to sound angry. She wasn't, she just didn't feel like talking, or moving, or even breathing.

_"Everyone who can hold a hammer is working on repairs to get us back in the air, it's gonna take some time…we're trying to contact the Alliance but so far we haven't heard anything." _

The impact of their crash had been sudden, she felt them preparing to jump through the relay but it was halted and suddenly they were falling. Joker told everyone to brace for impact, EDI mentioned something to the ship about deceleration and then suddenly her voice was gone.

The last communication they'd received was that Reapers were falling in worlds throughout the galaxy.

Everything went silent after that.

That was when she realized they'd left without Shepard. That she was still on the Citadel, or perhaps lying on the ground back in London.

Was she injured? What if she was still alive and suffering, alone and hurt.

_"Liara?"_ Garrus called again.

"I—I'm sorry, Garrus. Not right now, okay?"

A pause, she could hear him hesitating. "_EDI's gone, Liara_."

Her stomach sank to the floor. "What happened?" She asked, fresh tears building in her eyes. She was so tired of crying.

_"We're not sure, she just slumped over in the seat next to Joker. I—we haven't been able to get him to let us move her but…she's gone."_

Was anyone safe through this? EDI was so innocent, so new to her own freedom and it was taken from her. Those feelings she was developing. Free will and love, taken from her and for what? For peace? For a life without Reapers?

Cynical as it sounded, in this moment Liara didn't give a damn about future generations, not when her own was suffering so much.

A sudden need to do something washed over her and Liara forced herself to stand. It wasn't easy, her arm was aching and her leg didn't feel like moving, but she managed to find some balance.

"I'll go see him," she said, determined as she moved to her bed and put on a decent pair of clothes.

That was when she saw it, the N7 hooded jacket. Shepard had left it here the last night they stayed in this room together. It was right after the party, they'd held off on doing anything together that night because there were so many people around. But afterwards, they were together…here, and Shepard was wearing this.

Unsure of what else to do, Liara picked up the jacket and unzipped it, she then slowly wrapped it around herself and soaked in it's warmth, it's scent, just like Shepard.

With shaky legs, she finished dressing and made her way to the out into the mess.

It was quiet, empty, a juxtaposition of what it had been the night before, so filled with chaos and rejoicing of victory. Almost instantly the enjoyment was gone, now replaced with the need to fix. A need that might span as long as the actual war had.

After a short ride in the elevator to the CIC, she caught sight of Samantha standing at her usual post. Only, she wasn't doing anything, just standing there, staring at her blank computer screen.

Taking a few steps out, Liara moved up behind Traynor and spoke. "Samantha?" She called. "Are you alright?"

"What?" Sam quickly wiped at her eyes and looked away. "Oh yes, just checking the systems, the computers have been offline all day."

Liara nodded, "I know."

"Everyone is out fixing the ship, working on the exterior damage and I'm in here doing bugger all because all I'm trained to do is diagnostics and useless computer work that I can't even do because the bloody computers are offline! Because—" Her voice broke.

"Can you help me?" The questioned seemed to carry more weight than Liara intended, and it appeared that way to Samantha as well as she looked wide eyed and worried. "Joker…he won't leave the cockpit, he needs food and rest. Will you…help me with him?"

Closing her eyes with a sigh, Sam brushed at her eyes once more and nodded. "Of course,"

Together they made their way up the bridge and Liara bypassed the lock Joker had put on the cockpit.

As it opened, she could see him immediately, his back to the door, facing out as if he were flying. It was strange to see the ship offline like this, the usual orange glow of lights illuminating the dash were gone, this room was dark, save the shimmering light outside coming through the few open shutters.

That was when her gaze shifted to the right, and she saw the metallic body slumped over in the passenger seat. Liara felt her heart sink, who in the hell was she to try and tell Joker anything? Was she handling her loss any better? Curled up on the floor of her room crying all night, wearing this ridiculous human sweatshirt so she could feel like she was wrapped in Shepard's arms?

No, she wasn't.

But…she couldn't leave him like this, her feet wouldn't turn and run away.

"Joker?" She called, her voice soft and careful. "I know I'm no medical doctor but are you certain you didn't fracture anything when we crash landed?"

She heard him scoff. "You mean besides the hull of her ship?"

The term "her ship" rang sharp in Liara's mind. Though she wasn't sure if Joker meant Shepard…or EDI.

"Dr. Chakwas should really look at you. We can help."

Samantha hadn't said a word, she was busy trying her best not to look at EDI.

"I'm not leaving." He said matter-of-factly.

"Why?"

"Because she'll come back online, and I don't want her to not know where we are when she does. So I'm going to wait."

"Joker," this time it was Traynor. "When that explosion went off…that beam of light…it wiped out all synthetic—"

"NO!" He screamed, his voice breaking under the stress of his plea. "She's just offline, she'll come back. She always comes back online. I'm _not _leaving her!"

Reaching out, Liara touched Sam's shoulder to stop her from moving in closer to the pilot. She smiled as best she could and shook her head. Telling Sam not to try.

"Very well, then I am bringing Dr. Chakwas to you. But we must see if you're injured."

"If anyone touches her—" He started.

"They won't," Liara assured him with a soft touch of his shoulder before turning and leaving with Samantha in tow. "Go get Dr. Chakwas." Liara said, taking a long breath as exhaustion again washed over her.

"Right away…what will you do?"

Liara looked down at herself and slowly unzipped the jacket around her. "I'm going to change, see if there's anything else I can do to help."

"Of course," Samantha started to leave but stopped just before the exit dock. "If I may, Doctor…you're the luckiest woman in the world."

The Asari felt her brow furrow in frustration and disbelief. "How could you possibly say that?"

"There are a billion people in this galaxy that would have killed for the chance to have the love of Commander Shepard. There's a human saying; like catching smoke with your bare hands."

Liara nodded, unsure and heartbroken as Samantha finally made her exit.

In the silence of the CIC, she whispered. "And then I lost it."


	3. Chapter Two

**AN/ **Thanks to everyone who followed/favorited or reviewed this story. I have a lot of stuff I want to do with it, it's going to cover multiple characters and relationships but Liara/FemShep are going to be the main focus for sure.

I hope you all continue to enjoy it, if you have any questions feel free to ask!

**Chapter Two**

He felt useless, absolutely useless. His body was starting to ache, something he knew would happen if he didn't get himself up out of this pilot's chair and do something. But he couldn't move, didn't want to, because he knew that if he moved, if he got up…then he would be admitting she was gone.

Joker wasn't an idiot, he hardly believed in heaven for organic life, let alone for that of a synthetic, but his mind couldn't stop talking to her, trying to tell her that he missed her, that he loved her and wished he could do more.

That was the only regret Joker had ever had when it came to EDI. It wasn't all the names he called her when she first came aboard his ship when they worked with Cerberus. It wasn't for shamelessly staring at her new body when she first stepped onto the bridge. It was that he'd never told her he loved her (once, drunkenly at Shepard's apartment, but never again). He'd never said it with meaning, then again, he'd never told anyone that he loved them in any kind of serious manner.

Once, he'd told Shepard he loved her, somewhat in jest after they took down the Collectors and they, along with Garrus, Jack and then newly unemployed Miranda had decided to see if they could finish off the Cerberus ration of alcohol before Shepard went back to stand trial on Earth.

In one day, one fight out of the dozens that they'd fought in this war, he lost the two people in the world that mattered to him most.

Joker always knew the war would end badly, whether they won or not, he'd told himself to be ready. But, perhaps by his own naivety, he never imagined it would feel this bad.

Losing Shepard wasn't new, she'd died on him once before, but they weren't what they were now. Not as close, it had been more of a professional loss; how the Normandy was torn apart after she was gone, the crew disbanded, his ship grounded. He was livid over the Alliance's disrespect of her and her efforts.

But now, he missed _her, _he missed EDI. His missed listening to them talk about things that made EDI wonder and Shepard preaching her advice about how to _be _human.

Because, as Joker knew now, there was no better example of humanity than Kaitlin Shepard.

She would be furious with him now, they both would, for sitting here pouting in his pilot's chair.

Lulling his head back, Joker stared up at the ceiling of the cockpit and smirked. "If I break a bone standing up, I'm blaming the both of you." And with that, he stood. Nothing broke, but it certainly did creak like an old door.

Slowly, he stumbled out of the cockpit and saw Samantha and Dr. Chakwas coming towards him. Samantha looked like hell; he noticed that first. She was always so gorgeous, of course she had no interest in him, but he took solace in the fact that she'd struck out with EDI and he didn't

"Jeff, you're up?" Dr. Chakwas said, her voice as calm and steady as ever.

He nodded. "Could be worse I guess, I almost put us in the water."

"I can't swim," Samantha mumbled quietly, almost to herself. She was _really _out of it.

Joker chuckled. "We really need team swim lessons. Between us and Garrus, if the Reapers had attacked us with swimming pools half our crew would have been taken out."

Dr. Chakwas grinned a bit as she checked Joker over, but Sam didn't flinch, she just crossed her arms and kept her eyes cast to the ground.

After about ten minutes, Chakwas approved Joker to move around freely, but warned that he needed to meet her as soon as possible for exercise and to get his body limber again.

As she took her leave and casually mentioned that she was sorry about EDI, Joker couldn't help but stare as Sam wandered around the CIC looking completely lost.

"Hey!" He called out, startling her a bit as she glanced in his direction. "You're wandering around this ship like a Volus at an Asari strip club? What's wrong with you?"

Samantha grinned slightly, the first sign of life he'd seen from her. "I—I don't know what to do. I want to help with repairs but I know nothing about fixing ships. I have no biotic power to carry things like Liara and I'm not good at coordinating repairs like Major Alenko and I'm just…utterly useless."

"Hi," Joker moved closer to her and extended his hand. "Jeff Moreau, I'm the resident cripple on the Normandy."

"What?!" She cried, waving him off. "You've gone mental. You're the pilot—"

"Of a currently crashed ship, so yeah…you and me, we're kinda in the same boat."

Sam shook her head. "Yes but…you've done so much more. I just…I want to help, you know?"

"I know, but they've got the repairs. I—I could use your help though." His voice betrayed him a bit, the tone he carried nearly gave away his intentions. "EDI…she…she was a person, you know? A synthetic but…she was a person. She doesn't deserve to be left where she is. I—I have to get her out of there."

Tears immediately struck in Samantha's eyes. "Joker, I can't."

"Of course you can, just like I can. You were so important to her, she trusted you and liked you. Please help me take her to the AI Core, she can't stay where she is."

"Alright," she nodded steeling herself. "Are you okay?" She asked as they moved back to the cockpit.

Joker smiled. "Physically? I'm fine. Everything else? Not really."

"You and me both."

* * *

Miranda had never moved so fast in her entire life. Not at the Collector Base, not running from Cerberus, not even against Kai Leng had she felt her body move this quickly with this much purpose. She'd been going over casualty reports, scanning for any familiar names when the news came in.

A biotic squad had found her, buried under piles of ash and rubble. They hadn't told her much else, badly wounded, not conscious, they had to fly in her by emergency shuttle. Another hour down there and she'd have bled out.

As she rounded the corner, Miranda found herself stonewalled by soldiers standing guard over the surgical department on the only open ward of the Citdael. The entire station was brutalized, she'd only gotten up here when she caught a ride on Admiral Hackett's command ship. She'd told him she could help with anything he asked of her. The Alliance was short on bodies, hers was able and she wanted to do whatever she could.

The men stood stall, some of them still bearing injuries from battle but they knew their job, they all carried pride in their expressions to be the ones standing guard as the doctors tried to save their hero.

"Hey cheerleader," a voice drawled behind her and Miranda snapped back to see Jack standing against the wall with her arms crossed. In her rush to get here she must have ran right by her.

"Jack…you're…what are you doing here?"

The biotic smirked. "Believe it or not, I'm the one that found our fearless leader."

"You did?"

There was sorrow in Jack's eyes, mixed with a hint of exhaustion and more than a little bit of worry. "Yeah, wouldn't have even seen her if my students hadn't been fucking around. They got into some contest about picking up the heaviest piece of rubble and one of them moved some shit out of the way and there she was." Jack's voice betrayed her. "Jesus, she was fucked up."

Miranda winced, it had to have been bad to shake _Jack_. "After seeing what's become of the rest of this place, I can't imagine what she's been through."

"She's gotta be out of lives, right? I mean she's pissed away more than nine." Miranda could only nod as her mind tried to grasp how the Commander was still alive. "What are you doing here?" Jack returned.

"Just trying to stay in the good graces of the Alliance for as long as I can."

Jack scoffed. "Like a stray cat tryin' to squat in a dog house."

"Whatever it takes right?" Miranda countered, hoping for some support, too tired to get into an argument. "Isn't that your motto?"

"My motto is fight em, fuck em or forget em but…yeah, I get your point."

With that, Miranda found a chair and sat down heavily into it, the weight of it all finally catching up with her. She hadn't slept in three days, not since coming back to Earth. To her surprise, Jack moved to stand next to her, that old Normandy stand together nature coming into effect.

"They find the rest of them?" Jack asked, neither of them looking at one another.

Miranda sighed. "Not yet, they have scouts searching but…not many, there aren't a lot of bodies to spare. They're likely on Earth somewhere, crashed…whether they're alive or not—"

"Is anybody's fucking guess…"

* * *

For the fifth time that night, Kaidan rolled over in his bunk and groaned in frustration. He couldn't sleep, he hadn't slept in days now. Not since they'd crashed here. He was exhausted, frustrated and upset; So many different things, but lost would best describe them all. He didn't understand. For so long, the war had been about victory. Fighting to save the future of the galaxy. Now, that future was here and he couldn't grasp the 'victory' behind it.

So many people he'd cared about had died. Ashley, his father, numerous members of his biotics division team, and Shepard.

She was the biggest regret in his life. The biggest heartache, and yet…the best person he'd ever known. He loved her, always had, from the first time he'd seen her walking across the bridge of the original Normandy after his assignment there. She was strong, powerful, beautiful and, as he'd come to find out, genuinely good hearted.

But she hadn't loved him. There were time when he'd thought that maybe she did, maybe there was something deep down that felt for him as he did for her. But he was outmatched. Shepard's heart was given away to someone else.

He didn't dislike Liara, in fact, the two of them had more in common than just their affection for the Commander. But he couldn't consider her anything more than a crewmate, because he _knew _she was up in Shepard's cabin every night with the woman he loved.

But he was a noble man, taught to be happy for those you love, even at your own expense. So he was, he wanted them to work and now…he felt for Liara knowing that his pain was most likely tripled in her own.

As he looked around at the darkness of the crew quarters, Kaidan finally gave up on sleep as he silently cursed everyone around him sleeping contently. He didn't blame them, they'd all been working their butts off to get this ship off the ground. There were so many unanswered questions for them all. So many of them had family they were wondering about, children they were desperate to see. They needed off this planet.

Rolling out of his bed, Kaidan silently slipped out of the quarters and into the mess hall. He figured a good glass of water might sooth his dry throat from breathing in all the dust that the repairs had stirred up around the ship, but what he didn't expect was to find company at this hour.

There sat Liara at the small counter near the stove, she looked as tired as he felt, sipping on something out of a big mug as the orange glow of a datapad shimmered onto her blue face, illuminating her in the night.

For a second, he thought about turning around and going back to his bed, but he knew there was nothing there for him except his restless mind, so he approached her.

"Do you ever stop working?" He asked, making Liara jump slightly. "Sorry." He apologized digging into the fridge for a drink.

Liara sighed slightly. "It's all right, I was just…lost I suppose."

"I get that," Kaidan sat down on a stool across from her. "What are you looking at? Shadow Broker stuff?"

"No," she smiled. Kaidan wasn't sure if Liara knew anything about his feelings for her girlfriend, but he assumed she did, the Asari knew everything else. "This is a list of all the model ships Shepard had collected during her time in the Alliance." She spun the pad around so he could look.

Kaidan's eyes widened in shock. "She's spent twenty-five _hundred _credits on model ships?" He asked rather loudly, making Liara chuckle.

"You've seen her collection in her quarters?" Kaidan nodded. "That's merely the tip of the iceberg. There are many more back at her apartment on Earth and she planned to bring more of them to her new place on the Citadel." Liara's face softened a bit, sadness washing over her and Kaidan knew it was her mind picturing Shepard. He understood that feeling all too well. "How are the ship repairs coming?" She asked, abruptly changing the subject.

"Well enough," Kaidan sipped his water. "We should be up and running in a few days. Though the crew is really starting to get restless"

"I can't say I blame them,"

"Me either," He agreed. "They've been asking…about the wall. They want to put her up on the wall…EDI too." Liara's eyes stayed focused on the datapad she was no longer reading. "I told them it was your decision. When you were ready we would do it."

The Asari's eyes fell shut for a moment as she grabbed her cup and spun it slowly in her hands. "I'm not sure if I'll ever be _ready_." She laughed, almost bitterly. "We Asari are supposed to be philosophical and understanding with these things. We outlive so many, death is a part of life and love, but…I'm having a hard time believing I'll ever _accept _this."

"It's only been a few days," Kaidan tried, truth was he didn't want to be the one comforting her through this. He wasn't even through _this _himself. It was selfish, she deserved someone to talk to, and he was here now, but a part of him wanted to run away. "Philosophical or not, I don't think you're supposed to be over losing someone you love in the matter of a few days."

"Nights are just hard, I suppose," she started, again not looking up at him. "I spend so much time during the days moving and working, doing whatever I can. I'm exhausted from moving materials on ship repairs with my biotics but…if I stop moving and really let it sink in that she's gone…I may never start moving again." She finally turned her blue eyes up to him. "How do you do it?" She asked hesitantly. "How are you so…strong with all this? I know you cared for Kaitlin very much."

Hearing the Commander's first name was brutal, so few people ever called her that. Anderson once or twice when he was lecturing her, Dr. Chakwas would make it a point _not _to call her that, and Liara on rare occasions would mention Shepard by first name.

A few moments passed, but he had yet to answer. His mind just wandered with thoughts of her and he felt guilty because the woman _she _loved was waiting for his response, _his_ help in getting over her.

"I'm not," he said truthfully, with a smile, "I'm struggling with it, the whole crew is, I think. But you're not alone here. I know what it's like…to feel like you are but you're not. I've learned that…being around the Commander long enough will make you realize that the people around you are your family on this ship. It's not going to be easy and it's not going to just magically go away one day but," he swallowed the sinking feeling in his stomach, knowing what needed to be said. "She loved you more than anything else, you'll find strength in that."

Tears streaked down Liara's face as she let his words wash over her. Reaching out, she covered Kaidan's hand with her own and met his eyes sincerely. "Thank you," she offered a watery smile. "I should get some rest, as should you, Major Alenko, you look drained."

"Aye aye, Ma'am." He returned with a smirk before standing up and taking his water to bed. He knew sleep wouldn't happen tonight, but he hoped that Liara could find some comfort.


	4. Chapter Three

_Flashbacks in Italics_

**Chapter Three**

_"You really are a sore loser, aren't you?" Liara teased with a smile as Shepard brushed a strand of blonde hair out of her face and glared at her. "I mean really?"_

_"You know I'm right!" Shepard retorted, a bit of fire in her voice. "You mean to tell me that one lousy little pawn could take down a powerful queen?"_

_Liara chuckled. "You are the one who left your queen unguarded."_

_"That's anti-feminist."_

_"I beg your pardon?" Liara asked, not knowing the word._

_"Anti-feminist, the belief that one woman, the queen in this case, couldn't take care of herself." Liara didn't respond, just watched her Commander lean forward on the couch and continue to rail. "I mean you put me in this game, with my rifle and a bunch of enemies on the other side and watch who is left standing."_

_"Hmm," Liara started, nodding slightly as Shepard stared at her, waiting for full support of course. "I see. well…I would have pictured you more as the King in this metaphor."_

_Shepard's brow furrowed. "What? Why?"_

_"Well, you stand in the back while the other pieces, in this case being your crew, do all the heavy lift—" Liara couldn't even finish the sentence before Shepard had swiped the chess board aside and had leapt over the table they were playing on to playfully attack her. She let out a loud laugh as her commanding officer and partner pinned her down and hovered over her. Blonde hair draped from Shepard's head across Liara's cheeks as green eyes met Asari blue._

_"You love to push my buttons, don't you, T'Soni?"_

_Liara could only shrug. "Is this another one of your sexual innuendos?"_

_"I'm too tired for innuendo," Shepard said, leaning down to drop a kiss on the Asari's lips. She then slid down and kissed her jaw, then her neck and soon enough the collar bone._

_"I thought you were too tired?"_

_"For innuendo," she teased, before falling back with Liara in her arms until they were both sitting, facing each other on the couch._

_"Oh," Liara whispered, feeling Shepard laugh softly into her neck. "No, I mean yes but…your fish."_

_Shepard pulled back for a moment and looked into Liara's eyes gazing beyond her. Glancing towards her tank, she saw that not one, but five of her fish were belly up._

_"Damn it!" She cried, sighing as she stared with frustration at their lifeless bodies. "Why do they keep dying?"_

_"Because you refuse to buy the Aquarium VI on the Citadel."_

_Shepard looked at Liara with criticism. "I am not going to shell out 25,000 credits for something to feed my fish."_

_Liara smiled softly. "Then the aquatic population aboard this ship will continue to sustain heavy losses._

_"I always mean to feed them." Shepard defended weakly. "But, you know, it's kinda hard to remember when you're dodging bullets all the time."_

_"Perhaps we should set a new rule. No more fish until after the Reapers are gone."_

_Shepard smiled, but Liara could tell that her mind was wandering. It happened sometimes; Commander. Shepard had a way of…losing herself in thought; losing herself in reserved memories and worries that she hated sharing with anyone._

_Fortunately for Liara, she could read this one. "We're almost through, you know?" Shepard's green eyes found her. "After we take out Cerberus and retake the Prothean VI…we can end this." The blonde remained silent. "Shepard," Liara touched her cheeks. "We're going to win."_

_"I know. No matter what." She said, utterly confident and ensured. But still, Liara didn't like the words that had been spoken. She didn't know why, but they unsettled her._

* * *

"Oh my God!" Samantha cried, pulling up to a sitting position as she grabbed her now cast aside shirt and covered herself with it. "What am I _doing?"_

Lying on his back below her, Joker stared at her in confusion. "Uh…well, not what you were doing a second ago. Which was awesome, by the way."

"No!" She groaned. "No this isn't _me,_ I'm not into blokes! I've never been into blokes! You're all hairy and your skin is rough and you _smell_!"

"Hey!"

Sam sighed. "Not you, just…in general."

Joker wasn't sure if that was a compliment or her telling him he wasn't _quite _a guy. He didn't care either way, he was still half naked with a gorgeous girl who was suddenly second guessing her every life choice up to this point. So what if she happened to prefer the ladies too? Desperate times and all that…

"When I was in middle school, my gym teacher used to say that I was the closest thing to a girl _besides _a girl. So maybe that's it." The joke was lame, but it made her laugh just a bit.

Then she frowned almost immediately. "_Stop_ it!" She smacked his arm.

"Ow, bone disease."

"Stop being funny," she threw her shirt away in frustration and started frantically kissing him again. "Funny is _attractive,"_ she murmured between kisses. "Stop _being _attractive."

With all his strength, Joker hooked his arms around her back and spun them so she was underneath. "Sorry, I can't contain my sexy."

"Oh God," she rolled her eyes but couldn't keep herself from grinning.

The moment quickly escalated, and suddenly they were all but naked, save for their underwear and a blanket shielding them from the rest of the world. Though neither of them doubted anyone would be coming down to the undercarriage of the ship, where Jack used to call home.

Joker was just happy they'd moved some of the beds down here to spread out room since the evening crew had taken on normal shifts.

However, just as Joker was about to make his move (he only had one), Samantha stopped them and set her brown eyes directly into his own. Seriousness filling them as she licked her lips and placed her hand on his chest.

"_What_ are we doing?" She asked in a feverish whisper.

Joker reached up and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "Right now?" He asked, making her nod. "Pushing my willpower to the brink 'cause you are _so _hot."

Sam closed her eyes, smiling but still seeming very lost. "Jeff," she used his real name, hoping it would evoke the gravity of the situation. Clearly, he understood.

"We're…" he shook his head, thinking. "We're trying to find something to make us feel good, because we know when this is over and we get this ship fixed and go back into a world without a war to fight that there's nothing left for either of us. That we…lost everything we cared about in this war because we put _everything _we had into it."

Sam's eyes filled with tears, though she managed a smile and nodded, knowing he was right. It started out for her as a mistake; she wasn't supposed to actually be a part of the crew… just help with the retrofits. But then she was here and _stuck_ here, helping Commander Shepard and spending time with all of these people, who had, until then, been nothing more than stories and myths to the rest of the Alliance. She'd fallen in love with each and every one of them, giving everything she had to offer to this ship and it's people. When it was over, nothing she ever would or could do afterwards would measure up to that.

This ship had changed her, bettered her, and losing it now seemed like the scariest thing she could possibly imagine.

"What about EDI?" She asked, addressing the massive pink elephant in the room. Well, the _co_-biggest. The other being that she'd never actually _been_ with a man before in this way. But they should probably tackle one demon at a time.

Joker cast his eyes down for a bit, they were distant and pensive. But then, a sad smile curved his lips. "I _loved _EDI, and I know she felt the same way about me. But we both knew it wouldn't last, we knew something would tear us apart. We prepared for it. It's why we were so…comfortable with each other. Why we laughed at each other's awful jokes. Because we didn't care. We enjoyed what we had and accepted whatever might happen. It's hard, it'll come back and haunt me someday, but right now…I see _you_…I like _you_ and I want to do this with _you_. Because I don't care what's gonna happen tomorrow. All I care about is…" He buried his face in the crook of her neck, "you're _so _hot."

"Jeff," she laughed softly, bending down to touch her forehead to his. "I've never done this before. Sex, with a guy I…I've never wanted to."

"Well you're lucky, cause it probably won't last very long," he joked, making her laugh again. She suddenly realized how damn good he was at that. "Just…here," he again flipped them, though slower this time and suddenly she was underneath him, putting all her trust in him. "You ready?" She tensed for a moment and nodded. "All right," He murmured, pushing forward as he bent to kiss her, muffling the sharp gasp that left her.

He froze, waiting; wondering; and pulled back to watch her. He realized her eyes were wet with tears threatening to fall at the corners as she gazed into his eyes, but she eased against his touch, grabbing the backs of his arms with her strong hands and nodding for him to continue.

It was slow and steady, Joker liked it that way, and he didn't have to worry about hurting her or himself. She grew more comfortable with each stroke, and he watched contently as she seemed to take it all in like data. The feelings, the movement, the rhythm were all new to her; it fascinated him.

_She_ fascinated him. There was such curiosity in her, as when he'd move a certain way, she'd ask him to do it again, to test that again and see if she liked it. Her hands were like feathers, hesitantly thrilling over every inch of his skin she could touch.

Joker had no idea what this was, where it would go or if it really meant anything. But, he couldn't say it wasn't one of the most amazing experiences of his entire life. Both were enthralled in this moment, clasping their hands together, and somehow, Jeff knew that she felt it too. Their bodies moved together of their own accord; free and uncaring.

He could feel the release building in his body, as his breathing hitched and his muscles tensed. "I'm about to—"

"Oh…right," she mumbled, this was another issue she'd never dealt with before. "What do I do?" She asked, completely serious.

Jeff stared at her, horror struck. "Just…don't move." Her body went completely stiff as he pulled out angrily and laid his head down on her chest, trembling for a moment, before relaxing into the warmth of her body.

"What did you—"

"It's better not to ask," he hushed her with a tender kiss before discreetly tossing his t-shirt off the bed. "Guys are gross," he joked, lying down next to her. "Did you…?"

Sam smiled, nodding. "It was wonderful." Adjusting, she moved down to drape herself over his upper body as his arm wrapped around her. "I never would have imagined…I just…I never thought I would _want_ to."

"So," he ran his fingers absentmindedly through her hair. "Scale of one to ten? How was it?"

"Joker, you can't expect me to answer that!"

He scoffed. "Why not? I'm giving you a firm eight thousand." Samantha laughed, casually lacing her fingers through his.

"I have no point of reference, you were my first, remember?"

Joker nodded to himself, smirking. "Sounds like a solid ten to me."

Suddenly, the emptiness of their future didn't seem to matter so much.

* * *

With a contented sigh, Kaitlin rolled to her side and wrapped her arm around the soft body next to her. She felt a hand grab her own and gently pull it up for a kiss on the back of her knuckle.

Warmth settled over her, perfectly. There was no place in the world she would rather be. So much of her life had been spent in the dark, alone and wondering if anything would ever fall into place like this. If she would ever feel this kind of love again. For so long she'd shut herself off to the idea, but Liara was different. She didn't force anything, she didn't see Shepard as a soldier, as a hero. She saw the girl she used to be, the woman she wanted to be.

"You're supposed to be sleeping," Kaitlin said in a whisper, gently nudging Liara in the back with her head.

Liara laughed softly into the air. "How am I supposed to sleep when you keep moving around like that?"

"I'm sorry," she pulled away and settled onto her back, feeling Liara do the same thing. "It's hot and I'm just…restless. I can't shut my head off."

"That seems to be a problem for you humans."

Kaitlin scoffed. "This from the Shadow Broker, you've got so much going on up there," she tapped Liara's forehead gently. "I'm surprised you can process a single thought of your own."

"We are able to organize our thoughts much better than most species; it's why I'm able to concentrate on my work even as you wander around my office ogling me."

"I never _ogle,"_ Shepard defended weakly, knowing she was lying. "I blatantly stare at your fine ass."

The Asari let out a soft laugh. "You are something else, so brash. I don't know why I put up with you," Liara teased.

"I would say it's because I'm a hot blonde, but that doesn't seem to matter much to the other races. Humans though, specifically the men, they go nuts for the blonde thing."

"Human males go nuts for anything with a pulse." Shepard's eyes went wide at Liara's comment. "Something I heard from Ashley a long time ago," she admitted with a grin.

Kaitlin chuckled with a nod. "Well she wasn't wrong, but human _males _were never really my thing."

"Yes, that's the one thing your dossier does not reveal. That you prefer…females."

"Well, I prefer anything or anyone that understands me, that makes me feel happy. Which is rare but…you qualify."

Liara stared at her blankly. "I _qualify_?" She rolled away with a mock pout. "And here I thought we had something special."

"Oh don't give me that!" Kaitlin used her strength to turn Liara around before climbing on top of her. "You are the _only _one in the entire galaxy that qualifies. It's not because you're an Asari, it's not because you resemble human females. It's because you're _you_ and that's all I want."

"You and your speeches," Liara murmured, leaning up to kiss Shepard's lips softly. "You could talk your way out of anything, couldn't you?"

Kaitlin smirked. "I'm about to talk you out of those comfy pants of mine you're wearing."

"Oh what—" Suddenly, Liara stopped, her hands falling from Shepard's face as she twitched slightly. "Kate…something's wrong." Her eyes were starting to go pale and Kaitlin quickly slid off of her.

"What's going on?" She sat up and quickly turned on the light next to their bed. "Liara, what's wrong?"

A moment later, a biotic flare burst from Liara and sent Shepard off the bed with a thud. Her ribs smacked hard against one of her gun cases on the floor and she cringed in pain as she tried to push herself back up.

When she did, she saw Liara on all fours, trying to sit up. "It _hurts!" _The Asari cried, her hands digging into the sheets.

"Liara!" Shepard cried as another flare of biotics went off within her, causing Kaitlin to duck and avoid being thrown back again. _She needs help_, Kaitlin thought, but suddenly she couldn't move. It felt as if her body was numb, every muscle failing to react as she sat on her knees and watched from a distance as Liara shook and writhed on the bed.

"NO!" Liara cried before her arm suddenly snapped back, the sounds of the bone breaking was horrifying. "What's…happening…_Kaitlin_…_help me!"_

But she couldn't speak, her mind was screaming but she couldn't react in any way, she could only watch as Liara's other arm did the same thing, only this time, it started to transform, the muscles in it twisting and tearing.

As Shepard tried to will herself to do _anything_, Liara's back abruptly arched up and a string of bumps started to press through her blue skin, each of them letting off a loud crack as the bones in her spine shattered.

"Help…me," Liara's voice was barely above a whisper, her eyes were barely open. She was dying.

Unending minutes seemed to pass as Liara fell to the bed with a thump, her body corpse still. Shepard was still frozen in place, unable to move even if she wanted to.

Slowly, Liara's head started to twitch just a bit, the crests on the back of her head elongating, her skin was becoming paler.

That was when she let out a blood curdling scream that shook the entire room and made Kaitlin's skin crawl.

Liara's head turned to face Shepard who was still sitting on the floor, helpless. When she finally looked at her, Shepard saw nothing but black emptiness in Liara's once beautiful blue eyes. Her delicate features were mangled with newly grown fangs and half the skin had seemingly melted away.

Like a snake, this new form started to writhe on the bed, rising and crawling toward Kaitlin. She watched in mute terror, her body numb to it all as she searched this…_thing… _for any sign of Liara. The beast mirrored nothing of the woman she loved.

Tears spilled down her cheeks as fear consumed her, making her tremble as her guts twisted with dread. The urge to vomit was slowly building within her roiling stomach.

With long fingers, the creature wrapped its hand around her neck and inched close to Shepard's face.

It let out another sharp scream and the world went dark.

When her eyes flew open again, she found nothing but florescent lights, and a familiar face smiling down on her.

"Welcome back…Commander Shepard."


	5. Chapter Four

**AN/ **Just want to say thanks to everyone who's read/reading this. It's a story that I've wanted to write for a really long time and I have a lot more left to tell. Reviews are appreciated, follows/favorites, all that good stuff, but I just hope you enjoy it.

Quick thanks to my beta, you know who you are and you f'ing rock ;)

* * *

**Chapter Four**

With a twist of her finger, Liara made the small roll of bandages spin in a slow circle just above her hand. It was an old habit, one she'd started decades ago during random digs, using her biotics to move things for her own entertainment. Now it was nothing more than a means to occupy herself while she waited.

Of course, this time, she could barely keep her focus enough to hold up a roll of medical bandages. She was scared because she already _knew _what she was doing here. Her eyes carefully cast over to Dr. Chakwas who was checking some samples and reading over some data.

When the doctor looked back at her, Liara knew it was confirmed. Despite Karin's stoic, steady gaze, Liara knew and she could only manage a wobbly smile as tears spilled from her eyes, making her cheeks glisten.

Letting out a long exhale, Dr. Chakwas put down the datapad and made her way over to the asari. She grabbed a nearby stool and rolled it beside where Liara was sitting, taking a seat.

"I take it you already know your diagnosis of this…illness you came to me with?"

Liara nodded slowly, brushing at her cheeks with the pads of her fingers. "Yes, I suppose I was just hoping for confirmation…maybe…trying to find some way to unburden myself to someone."

"You could have just told me, Liara," Karin smiled, patting Liara's knee. "I would have supported you, there's not a person on this ship who won't support you."

"I know that, it's just hard because she's not here, she won't—" Liara couldn't finish the thought, she just sighed and bit her tongue.

Karin grabbed the item Liara was still mindlessly spinning and set it aside. "Do you really believe that death will keep the Commander from being there for her child, for you?"

With a heavy sigh, Liara bit her lower lip. "I understand the concept of afterlife; the beliefs of both human and asari. We're supposed to believe that we carry a part of our bondmate with us after they leave, but…I cannot _feel _Shepard. I don't see her, I don't hear her, I cannot touch her. It's not the same. I _want_ to find peace in this, but it's too soon and it feels as if I never will. She gave up _so_ much and for what? To die when it's over? Never seeing the benefits of her effort?"

Dr. Chawkas smiled. "You _know_ that Shepard would say you were pouting don't you?"

"Ha." Liara let out a soft chuckle. The doctor was right; Shepard would hate seeing Liara wallow in self-pity like this. But she didn't care. Shepard wasn't here to scold her; no, she left. She chose everyone else over herself; as always.

_You're being selfish_, she scolded herself, lowering her head in defeat. She _wanted_ to be selfish. "Is everything okay, with the baby?" She inquired, finally catching the human's eyes again.

"Yes," Karin insisted with a nod. "Everything is excellent at this stage. It's very early but…wait…you've been helping move those heavy pieces of metal on ship repairs!" Dr. Chakwas' tone was no longer comforting. "Liara T'Soni, you of all people know that you should not be working your biotics like that while you're carrying a child!"

Liara cowered a bit, suddenly feeling as if she were a child again being yelled at by her mother for digging in the grass. "I—I couldn't stand back and let everyone else work. I had to do _something."_

"My goodness," Karin stood up in a rush, angry. "Between you and Shepard and your damn selflessness you're both going to be the death of me." That was when the mood changed, when Dr. Chakwas was suddenly grabbing onto one of the window railings and gripping it as if she might collapse.

Standing in a rush, Liara moved to her side just as Karin broke down, shaking her head bitterly. "I'm sorry, here I am getting on you and…I'm a mess myself. It's just…I miss her." Karin wiped at her eyes with frustration. "Oh, I shouldn't be putting this on you, dear. I'm sorry, you're dealing with more than any of us.

"No," Liara said, rubbing circles on Karin's back. "No, no. Shepard may have been my bondmate and…I loved her more than anything in the galaxy but, no, I'm not dealing with more than anyone, we all lost her, we all loved her."

Regaining a bit of her composure, Dr. Chakwas stood straighter and sniffed sharply before turning and putting both hands on either of Liara's shoulders. "You must know, Liara, that Shepard would be so happy to hear that you're having a child; _her_ child. She never said it aloud to many people, but she wanted this, I know she did. At some point, she wanted to build the family she'd lost on Mindoir and…the way she looked at you; the way she spoke of you. You were the best thing that ever happened to that woman."

Liara didn't cry, she wanted to, but she was tired of crying. It felt _good_ to hear these words; they might hurt later, but for now, they settled her anxiety, and made her smile slightly.

"Oh, look…they're starting to gather at the wall," It was true; when Liara gazed out the window, she could see crew members starting to surround the wall where they hung up the names of those they'd lost. "Here," when she looked back, Dr. Chakwas had the name placard in her hand. She made them herself, all of them. "She will _always_ be a part of this ship," Karin then patted Liara's stomach. "And of you."

As the doctor left to meet with everyone else, Liara stared at the placard in her hands. Her eyes ran over the name.

**_ d_**

With her right index finger, she traced over the first part and gently spelled out Kaitlin's first name. It was appropriate that it be Commander on the placard, but Liara lost more than her commanding officer, she'd lost her soul mate and best friend. She'd lost so _much._

"Goddess Shepard, give me the strength to get through this," she dropped a soft kiss on the name, feeling silly, and yet…pleasantly close to Shepard in that moment. She smiled, whispering, "I love you."

* * *

"Shepard, can you hear me?"

Everything felt distant, like a dream, only sharper. She blinked, trying take in the light, the feelings surrounding her. That was the strangest part, what she could feel, or, more importantly, what she _couldn't._ Her hands were reacting, she could feel them moving as her fingers twitched, she made fists with both of them and then relaxed. But her legs weren't.

Paralysis was the first thought that entered her mind. She'd seen it happen to soldiers before, she knew she was strong enough to overcome it, but she could still feel concern bubbling up in her stomach, paired with dread.

"Shepard," called the voice again, drawing her gaze up to see a pair of familiar blue eyes staring at her; déjà vu. "So you _can_ hear me," the woman above her said, a soft smile playing on her lips.

Shepard sighed. "We _have_ to stop meeting like this, Miranda." She said, throat burning as she spoke.

"It's good to see you too, Commander." Miranda offered with a chuckle, before Shepard felt a pair of hands take her own. "You have a knack for surviving massive explosions."

"It's a curse," she slurred through dry, cracked lips.

Miranda nodded, "Yes well, it was easier when you were just an assignment from the Illusive Man, not a friend."

"Did we win?" Shepard queried, the recollection of the war coming back to her; being on the Citadel, speaking to the Catalyst; destroying the Reapers. Or so they'd told her.

"We won," The brunette affirmed, "the Reapers are gone."

A wave of relief washed over Shepard in that moment, filling her with so many emotions that it was overwhelming. She felt the tears build in her eyes and overflow down her cheeks onto the pillow below. She didn't bother to wipe them, she enjoyed the way they felt on her skin.

Suddenly, she realized a distinct lack of blue in the room. "Where's Liara? Where's everyone else?"

"Shepard," Miranda's hesitant voice sent a rushed of dread through her gut, which terrified her. "We…we're not sure where the Normandy is at the moment. We assumed they crashed somewhere on Earth but…we've scouted every continent on the planet, they're not here. We think they jumped through the Charon Relay into Arcturus just before the energy destroyed the relays."

_"Destroyed?" _

"Temporarily," The other woman explained, "we're rebuilding them at this very moment. The Alliance, the Quarians, Turians…anyone who can spare time and knowledge is working to get them running again. The Charon Relay is nearly complete, as is the Sol Relay. So many of us are here that we needed those up and running first."

It was so much to take in, her ship was crash landed somewhere…_maybe._ Miranda didn't sound so sure. The relays were a mess, the Reapers were gone and she didn't even want to start trying to count up how many people had perished in the battle. It was brutal.

The rush of information consumed her, humbling her, and Shepard took it in as best she could.

Her next question she asked came out shakier than she'd hoped it would. "I uh…I can't feel my legs, Miranda." She said, looking down to see both her legs wrapped and casted up.

"It's okay, you're not supposed to. You are under induced paralysis from the waist down. Your legs were badly damaged, but fixable, though it's going to take time and a lot of therapy to get you up and moving again, but…you should have full functionality when you recover."

Again, she felt a wash of relief. It was as if she was being given things she shouldn't have, things that she thought she would never have. Shepard had assumed as she shot bullets at that…_thing_ on the Citadel that she would die up there. None of this was supposed to be here for her.

Still, she worried about Liara, about her entire crew. She wouldn't be able to rest until she knew whether they were safe or not.

Whenever that might be.

"How long was I down?" She asked, then started laughing at herself. "Sorry, so many questions."

Miranda waved her off. "It's fine, and you weren't down that long; only a few days. You haven't missed any calendar years." Shepard smiled as best she could.

"So you found me?"

"She wishes," another voice came from the doorway. Shepard slowly turned her head to see Jack standing tiredly against the wall. "No, that would be _this_ crazy biotic bitch who pulled your ass out of the rubble."

"Jack," Shepard breathed, her voice full of gratitude. Happiness filled her at the sight of these two people, and thanks to Jack, she was able to talk to them now. "Thank you."

"Yeah, well I figured if the rest of us have to pick up the pieces of the intergalactic mess you made, the least I could do is get you around to see how pissed we all are." Jack then glanced down the hall behind her. "Shit, there's a fleet of people out here to see you, Shep. Reporters, Admirals, fanboys, I think there are even a few Krogan out here hoping to hook you into a good mating ritual."

"Charming," Miranda murmured without thinking. Shepard glanced at Jack, waiting for the war of words to start.

To her credit, however, Jack merely smirked, glowering almost…playfully at Miranda. "Jealous?"

The brunette rolled her eyes and sneered.

"What did I miss, you two are both going soft on me?"

"We're too tired to have a biotic battle in your room Shepard." Jack noted.

"Hmm, too bad," Shepard mused, " I could use the entertainment."

With that, Miranda rose from her chair. "I really should get your doctor in here, though I'm quite certain I know more about tending for Commander Shepard than he does, he has a tendency to become quite pissy when I try to tell him how to do his job."

"There's the pot calling the kettle a jealous bitch," Jack quipped before moving out of the exit. "Go ahead, I'll keep the girl scout occupied."

As Miranda left, Jack pulled up the chair she'd vacated, bringing it next to Shepard's bed. They were quiet for a few moments, and Shepard felt herself getting tired again. But she wouldn't let sleep claim her; she'd just woken up. There was so much she wanted to know, so many things she needed to hear.

"Your kids all get out okay?" She asked the first thing that came to her mind.

Jack pursed her lips and lowered her eyes. "Not everyone, we only lost a few but…it was a hard fight, you know? Our team was lucky."

Shepard shook her head, regretfully. "No one was lucky. I'm sorry about your losses."

"Fuck," Jack bit out, "Shit happened so fast, I'm not sure it's really set in yet, ya know?"

"Yeah," Shepard agreed. "I do."


	6. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five**

"We're really going through my antibiotics," Tali quipped as she sat up on the bed and put her mask back on.

Garrus, still lying back on the bed under the blanket, could only chuckle. "I'm pretty sure _you're_ the one to blame for this."

"Yes, you were _so _resistant." Tali quipped, rising from the bed as she tapped on her Omni-Tool and quickly checked her vitals. "It feels wrong…being here." Moving towards the fish tank, Tali tapped lightly on the FEED button and watched as little bits of fish food scattered throughout the water.

Garrus sat up and watched her as she moved solemnly around the cabin. "You know she wouldn't mind us being here. Shepard always told me if I ever found a girl worth my time I could bring her up here. And it's the only place we could get any privacy."

Tali laughed softly "How many girls did you bring up here?"

"None of them were ever worth my time." Standing, Garrus put his clothes back on and crossed to where Tali and found herself, staring at the glass case of Shepard's model ships. "Funny that someone as blunt as Shepard could be delicate enough to make these. I tried to help her once, but my fingers were too big, and…well, I only have three of them, so I couldn't do much. Broke a piece. I heard stories about Shepard before I met her; how she was this hard ass, do whatever it takes soldier. So I half expected her to scream at me, kick me out. But she just smiled and sighed and picked up the broken pieces and somehow…just…fixed them."

"That's what she did," Tali agreed fondly, gently touching the glass. "She fixed things. My home world, Palaven, Earth…everything. I—I don't know what we're supposed to do now without her telling us where to go." When she turned her head to the side, her eyes fell on the photo of Liara lit up on the desk. "I don't know _how_ she's handling all this."

Garrus shrugged. "She's stronger than I am. After her mother died, remember how she handled it? Just…like nothing was different. She didn't cry, she didn't…mourn. She just told us all about her mother, the best of her. I'd give up my Mantis for that kind of resolve."

"You know," Tali turned to face him, "As fun as this has been, I have to ask—what are you looking for out of this, out of us?"

There was a long pause. Garrus never moved away from her, even though he blinked at her a few times, but he didn't falter, staying beside her, though he didn't pull her into his arms. "Tali, there are a total of three people in this entire galaxy that I would trust with anything. My father, Shepard…and _you_. It took me _so _ long to find someone that I actually enjoy being around before and _after _the," He cleared his throat nervously, dropping his voice, "Well…_you_ know…and I'm not about to let that go. I don't know what's next for me, but I know that whatever it is, I want you there with me."

This was where the mask became an issue, because he _just _couldn't read her expression. He stared at the glow of her eyes through the purple mask and waited, wondering what she was thinking. Maybe she'd rolled her eyes the entire time he'd been talking. He didn't know.

Finally, she took his hand in her own, laughing quietly. "You've been practicing that _haven't_ you, Vakarian?"

"Well," Guilt flooded his expression as his mandibles flared. "I _might _have recited it a time or two into the mirror of the men's bathroom in the mess hall." He then took a step back, trying to gauge her reaction. "Was it bad?"

Tali shook her head. "You're talking to the girl who spends the better part of her free time searching the extranet for user created stories based on Fleet and Flotilla, so no…it was not bad at all."

"Oh, is that right?" Garrus noted, tilting his head a bit and moving in towards her. "So…you're as free as the dust in the solar wind?" He could see her eyes grow big through her mask.

"You—you've seen Fleet and Flotilla?"

Garrus shrugged slightly. "Might have caught a recording of it on Omega."

"Oh Keelah, you know what we should do?" She began excitedly, backing away a bit.

"Hmm," he glanced towards the bed, longingly. "I suppose I could go for another—"

"We should go down to my bunk in the crew quarters on engineering!" She clapped her hands in excitement, practically bouncing, " I have the _extended _version of the film with over twenty-five hours of behind the scenes footage!"

"Well, I—," Before he could finish protesting, Tali had already grabbed his hand and was dragging him towards the elevator. "Wait, my visor!" He cried, glancing at the bed where his visor lay a good twenty feet away from him.

"Don't worry, it will just get in the way of the movie!"

"Wait! Tali, I—"

That was when the elevator door closed, silencing his pleas.

* * *

Despite having only been awake for a mere thirty-two hours, Shepard found a bit of comfort in finally being alone for the first time since. It had been a constant stream of people, both ones she wanted to see, and others whom she didn't. The Councilors had all made their obligatory visits, offering their thanks to her for saving so many, and yet each of them somehow finding a way to insinuate that she should have done more.

She'd had so many interview requests, that she'd lost count of how many times she'd said no or directed them to Jack who offered a nice 'fuck off' for them to put on their front pages.

Jacob had stopped by, telling her all about the work he and Brynn had been doing. It was good to see him, good to see that he'd made it.

But now, she was alone, with no one expected as she'd told the doctors to give her some time away from anyone unless news came in about the Normandy.

That was truly where her mind was. She couldn't stop thinking about every single one of them; wondering if they were hurt, suffering or even alive at all. She feared the worst, a trait she'd learned from Garrus no doubt, ever preparing for the moment that someone came through the door and told her they were lost forever.

Then, of course, she thought of Liara, aching with the need to see her; she'd been the last thing Shepard had thought of as the Citadel had collapsed around her. So many things had been left unfinished; unsaid. Too many "I love you's" to count; too many nights not spent in each others' arms. Perhaps even a wedding or some sort of bonding ceremony they may never get to experience.

Joker crossed her mind on occasion and it broke her heart a little, because she _knew _he was suffering. Even if they'd somehow landed gently on some sandy beach, Kate knew that he would be hurting. The consequences of what she'd done to take down the Reapers were no doubt the source of that. She felt the loss of EDI, but she felt it more for him. She knew love when she saw it; it was the same with he and EDI as it had always been with she and Liara.

Her attention was drawn to a figure standing in her doorway, though nothing looming as she turned to see a bright eyed little girl staring at her. The kid couldn't have been a day over six. Her big brown eyes looking almost in awe at the battered woman before her.

Shepard offered a smile and the girl shied a bit, looking down at her feet.

"Hey," Kaitlin offered, waving as best she could with a sling on her arm.

"Uh," the girl dragged her toe on the floor. "Hi are…are you okay?"

"Yeah," Shepard chuckled. "I'm fine, just a little banged up."

"Reapers?" The girl asked innocently and Shepard felt her chest tighten. Reapers…this kid was so young, her whole life had probably been nothing but Reapers. What if she was here because one of her parents were here? Or both? Or if she had nowhere else _to _go. Kaitlin nodded slightly. "They're gone now, you'll be okay," the child offered comfortingly and Shepard felt tears stinging at her eyes.

"I know," she forced back her emotions. "Who are you here with?" She asked gently.

The girl looked behind her. "My dad's here somewhere…arguing with the nurse ladies I think."

"Are you okay?" Shepard returned, sitting up a bit.

"Yeah," the girl nodded. "I have some kind of sickness, it's a big word I don't know, but it has something to do with the little white cell things in my blood."

"Oh,"

"Yeah, my dad keeps trying to come see me but they won't let him stay very long. And it's scary here at night."

Shepard nodded slightly. "I know, but there are a lot of people here to take care of you. Why won't they let your dad stay?"

"He's not my real dad; he took me when I was real little."

Her eyes narrowed on the child. "What do you mean…_took_ you?" The hair on the back of her neck stood on end, those words ringing in her ears as she recalled the mass suffering on Mindoir. Flashes of the chaos, the burning smell, the billows of smoke spiraling into the sky in a black plume as the batarians mercilessly attacked the helpless civilians on the farming colony.

"Yeah," The girl was saying, "he said that I had to come with him. He said that he'd take care of me."

Though she'd been warned against it more than once, Shepard began to attempt pulling herself up into a seated position, reaching for her Omni-tool and calling for the nurse to come in. A few moments later, a young, red haired woman appeared.

"Is everything okay?" The woman asked, looking down at the little girl standing in the doorway and smiling sunnily at the child. Shepard's pulse throbbed in her ears as her heart pumped angrily in her chest, escalating the rising panic she felt.

_"Dad!"_

_"Katie, run!" _

"Do you know this girl?" Kate asked the nurse in a muffled voice, distracted by the screams in her memories, the visions of bodies burning in ragged heaps on the side of the road; the sound of constant gunfire.

"I do," the young woman affirmed, glancing down at the girl in concern. "This is Rose. She's been here for a few days. Is she bothering you?"

Shepard closed her eyes, shaking her head sharply, wincing and trying to make the flashing lights around her eyes go away. Distantly, she heard men screaming back and forth. _"You take the front, I'll go back and check for survivors!"_ "No, not at all," Shepard managed, " I just want to know why she's here and who her guardian is."

That was when the woman sighed knowingly and nodded. "She was brought in by a Batarian who has been raising quite the fuss over his visitation rights." Shepard's eyes fell on the child, who was looking at them in confusion, not fully grasping the situation. Kate knew she was overreacting a little, but she felt obligated to figure this out and prevent a possibly ugly situation for both the child and the hospital. Mentally, she tried to gauge the nearest emergency exit, and the fastest way to secure a gun.

"I need to know if this man is a threat to you," Shepard said slowly to the little girl, whose brows furrowed slightly before her eyes widened in realization.

"My Dad isn't a threat to me!" She replied innocently, "He's my Daddy…"

"Who did he take you from?" Shepard asked, attempting to sit up further as the nurse protested.

"Commander Shepard, I really must insist you lie back—"

"Where are your parents?" Shepard heard herself ask, unable to stop the tumble of quavering words that escaped her lips, "Did he kill them?"

_Don't let the girl get away…we could get a nice fat reward for her with that blonde hair! She'd go for a nice ten thousand creds! Maybe after we've had some fun with her first…_

"_No!"_ The girl shouted, startling both women. "He's _not _a threat, he takes care of me! He _saved _me."

Of course that's what he'd told her. He'd probably convinced her that she was where she belonged, had manipulate her into doing his bidding, all the while keeping her like a slave. The kid had probably been taken so young, she'd never known the difference. Same as Talitha…same as the poor sex slaves on Elysium…Kate had seen it far too many times from those fucking Batarians.

"Rose!" A rasping, hoarse voice called, as the Batarian in question entered the room, stooping to pick up the little girl. "You weren't in your room, you scared me."

"You get _out!"_ Kaitlin cried, unseeing. She was back in that forest sixteen years earlier, surrounded by the smoking ashy remains of her home, hauling her injured best friend on her back; limbs aching from the exertion, gasping for air. "I want him _out_ of here! You give her _back!_ Who did you take her from?"

"Commander Shepard!" The nurse cried in horror, hitting an alarm on her own Omni-tool. "I need a sedative in room eighteen!"

The Batarian glowered at her, unfaltering. "I did _not _kidnap her," He told her vehemently, "I rescued her, I took care of her. Took her in as my _own!_"

"You _stole _her!" Shepard railed at him, "That's what you and your people do! You steal people from their homes and use them, torture them! _Kill_ them!" Shepard couldn't stop it. It was almost as if she were watching herself as another person. She knew she was out of control, but it kept tumbling out. Her vision blurred, and the only thing she could see was dark, cold walls and a wounded girl gasping for breath. "Just keep breathing, Cassidy," She was mumbling, "I'll get you out of here…someone will help us."

"She's hallucinating," A new voice came through her thoughts. "Textbook PTSD."

"Please," Kate sobbed, "You have to help her! She's been shot! She's dying!"

Her vision flitted in and out, and she could see the blurry image of the Batarian setting the little girl down, moving toward her. Kate blinked and there was suddenly a jagged knife in his hand. His clothing had transformed into the rugged, threadbare clothing of a Batarian pirate.

_Ain't you a pretty little pet? Look at all that hair…and that tight little body. _

Something pricked Kaitlin's arm. She screamed, thrashing against the hands holding her down.

"Why are you with her?" She repeated, "What are you doing with her if you _didn't _steal her? _Don't touch me!"_ She threw an arm, hitting someone in the nose and sending her I.V. bag flying. Another nurse caught it, setting it to rights.

"She is my daughter," The Batarian explained in a low, indignant voice, "I adopted her _after_ I saved her from my own people. I exiled myself from my own race because I couldn't stand the atrocities that were being committed against she and her family. I did what I could, the only thing I could have _done,_ but you only see what you want to see…Commander Shepard, I am _not_ one of those who attacked your colony." She could hear pity in his voice, apart from his anger, "Are you so quick to judge, that you cannot forgive me for not having the good sense to be born a difference species? I may not be perfect, but not even you have the right to look down on me for anything when all I've done is give this child a loving home."

Shepard's limbs started to fall limp as she was guided to lie back on her pillows, the flashes of Mindoir were slowly fading away, bringing her back to the present as consciousness slipped out of her grasp. She stared into the eyes of the Batarian who she'd flung horrible accusations at. At once, she was consumed by guilt.

"Please assist this man and his daughter back to their room," A nurse was saying.

"Miranda…" Shepard breathed, fighting sleep. "Miranda Lawson…I need Miranda."

A hushed silence filled the room, it was tense as Shepard and the Batarian stared at each other for a long moment as her eyes started to fall closed.

"M'sorry…" She slurred, "So…sorry…" She turned groggy eyes on the nurse, "Make sure…visitation…let him…" The nurse nodded at her, eyes full of sympathy.

The Batarian merely stared at her, his eyes softening a bit, but he never thanked her, never apologized. He just nodded, turned around and grabbed his daughter before leaving.

The last thing Shepard thought of before slipping into a dreamless sleep was the way she'd spoken to the Batarian. The horrid accusations. That wasn't her. She wasn't prejudiced. Shepard had devoted the better part of her last few years with the Alliance to accepting people of all races and species. It was a matter of pride for her. She'd thought she was past this bitterness; past the horrors of that day on Mindoir. She had accused him of being no better than the monsters that had slaughtered her family without knowing anything about him.

What did that say about her?


	7. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six**

Liara was exhausted, to say the least. She knew that soon enough they'd be back in the real world. Everything was starting to settle; the ship was fixed and they'd be passing through a relay soon en route to Earth.

The hardest part of all was that Shepard's name was on the wall. Even before she'd hung it, it had felt wrong, like it didn't belong there. Liara couldn't help wondering if maybe the new life growing inside of her was causing her to doubt that Shepard was really gone. The truth was (a truth she would tell no one) she didn't _feel _like Shepard was gone.

It was true, asari minds were far more advanced than any other species (besides the reclusive Javik, who hadn't helped a bit with the ship repairs), but even she felt silly thinking that she was _so _connected to Shepard that she could sense the woman was still alive.

Still, it was hard to put her name on the way; written proof that Shepard was gone forever, but she knew the crew needed to see it, even though it gave Liara the urge to vomit. (Or perhaps that was the pregnancy. Or both.)

Instead, she buried herself in work. Though it was _far _less strenuous than it had been a mere few weeks ago, there was still a great deal of information to be traded throughout the galaxy, and for that, Liara was grateful. Much had changed in the short time since the fall of the Reapers, but at least that had not. Scrolling through her newest information, a single message caught her eye; it was a video message addressed simply _Liara_.

None of her contacts knew her name. They assumed she was the same Shadow Broker that had been in control for the last sixty years. Scanning the room around her, she accessed her Omni-tool and locked the door to her quarters before tapping on the message.

Suddenly, the screen in front of her was alight with the warm, metallic smile of EDI.

Liara felt her stomach sink and her chest tighten.

"Hello Shadow Broker," the recording began, and EDI's steady, sweet tone filled the room. "If you've received this message, either I have ceased functionality or my processing has made a huge fault and we can laugh about it later. However, if the former has come to fruition as I fear, then I hope you, Jeff, Shepard and the rest of the crew are safe and the Reapers are defeated."

"Oh EDI," Liara whispered, still listening intently.

"I have a few simple requests for you, and I am coming to you because I trust you to handle them accordingly. You are a genuine person, if not slightly quiet and a bit lacking in your comprehension of all of my jokes. However, I wish I had had the chance to know you much longer than this final tour of the Normandy. My first task is for you to pass on a few messages for me. Please tell James that it's okay to read the massive amounts of letters that he's received from his father during the war. They might not make up for their lost relationship, but as someone who's only known companionship for a short time, I know how important it is. Also, please assure Jack that her poetry is beautiful and expressive of who she is and not to listen to what anyone else thinks. Tell Cortez that the man he met during our shore leave on the Citadel is a genuinely nice person, as I did a thorough background check on him, and that it is okay to fall in love again."

Liara smiled as EDI continued, unwavering.

"Please tell Miranda that her life can and will be complete even if she cannot bear her own children. Biology cannot stop a woman willing to be a great parent from doing just that. My vast research of the galaxy has proven that there are far too few people who are _seeking _to love a lonely child. Tell Jacob Taylor that he is going to be a terrific father, nothing like his own. Tell Grunt that it's okay if he has a crush on an asari girl he met on the Citadel. That does not make him weak." Liara chuckled through her own tears, wiping her eyes as she listened contently, silently wishing the message would never end.

"Also, please tell Tali and Garrus that they might be able to hide from the rest of you, but I know they have been sneaking off into the very back of Garrus' quarters and engaging in semi-sexual acts near the main gun." Covering her mouth, Liara tried to suppress a laugh. "And tell them I said congratulations and Jeff also owes me five credits because I, as he puts it, totally called that."

For the first time in the video, EDI stopped, casting her eyes down for a moment, looking almost lost. "Tell Jeff that I'm sorry. Sorry I did not survive, sorry that I am not there to help him fly our ship back home to the life we have both been fighting for since he freed me from my A.I. shackles. Tell him that I learned what love meant because of him and that it is a greater feeling than anything I could have ever imagined. Tell him that his jokes and his smile gave me a purpose, gave me a reason to exist beyond what I was created for."

She then turned her gaze back to the screen, blinking twice and smiling. "And tell Shepard that my death is not her fault. If what she did to stop the Reapers was the cause of my non-functionality, then it was the logical choice to make. Tell her that I hope the Reapers died painfully, because they deserve far worse for trying to rid the universe of all of the wonderful things I discovered in my short time of existence."

"EDI…" Liara whispered, touching the screen softly.

"Also, in case you ever doubted. Commander Shepard would kiss your photo every single night before bed when she was aboard the Normandy without you during her battle with the Collectors. She loves you very much. Also, tell her that touching herself as she stared at your picture was not nearly as discreet as she assumed." Liara's eyes went saucer wide. "That was a joke."

With that, the screen went blank and EDI's face disappeared as quickly as it had appeared, leaving Liara with warmth in her chest, and making her smile through the tears she was gently shedding. She hadn't known EDI long, as she hadn't been around during their trip through the Omega 4 Relay, but she'd spoken with EDI so many times since joining the crew of the SR-2 during the war. Liara had loved having EDI around any time she got lonely and wanted to talk. Whenever she'd discovered something she had to share, or wondered if Shepard was okay without wanting to pry, she'd turn to EDI and just ask her.

Of course, thinking of EDI turned Liara's thoughts to Joker. She wondered if she should tell him; if he'd want to know or even watch the vid for himself. It was clear that he'd been struggling with the loss of EDI, and would continue to struggle with for some time. Liara knew the feeling all too well.

She quickly copied the recording to her Omni-tool and left her quarters to find their pilot. The ship was in flight, though the calm assured her that they were merely coasting, probably to conserve fuel as they neared the relay.

The ride down the elevator was quick, but she couldn't help but remember that moment shortly after Shepard had fought that Reaper head on and survived on Rannoch. Liara had been waiting in the elevator for her when she returned. Shepard had pressed the emergency stop and they'd nearly made love right on the very floor Liara was standing on at present. Shepard had been overwhelmed with a renewed appreciation for life after taking on something that had caused so much death.

Liara's cheeks flushed with heat at the memory of them stumbling out of the elevator together, clothing askew and panting. Of course, she _also _remembered the damned smirk on Samantha's face when she'd informed them that Admiral Hackett was calling.

As the elevator opened on the CIC, Liara stepped out to another familiar sight; Samantha still standing post by the galaxy map. She was typing away at her computer with fast and steady hands. Her hair had grown quite long in the time they'd been stranded on the ship. Samantha was also the type who buried herself in work to the point that trivial things like hair and sleep were placed on the back burner; it was a trait the two of them shared. Liara moved behind Samantha, reaching out and gently touching the small of her back, causing the Comm Specialist to start.

"Oh! Liara, I—I didn't hear you coming," Samantha gasped, clutching her chest.

Liara grinned. "I have developed excellent stealth through my time aboard this ship."

"Yes well, the heart attack rate around you must be incredible." Samantha half joked, brushing a few stray strands of hair out of her eyes. "Is there something you need?"

"There is." The asari nodded. "I need _you _to take some time for yourself and _rest_; you look exhausted."

Samantha frowned. "That is merely a nice way to tell someone they look like crap."

"It is," Liara agreed, smiling. "But we _all_ do, the showers have been out of reserve water for days." She tucked her hands behind her back and looked into Traynor's tired eyes, though her gaze fell beyond the girl's head to the terminal screen behind her.

An email to Joker?

"Samantha," Liara took her hand, patting it, "I am asking you, as a friend, to take a break. Go up to my quarters, I'll be out of them for a while. It's quiet; you can sleep and I promise no one will bother you."

Traynor seemed hesitant, glancing impatiently back at her terminal screen, a protest on the tip of her tongue. "But we'll be entering the relay soon…what if we connect with a communications channel, we'll need—"

"Samantha, I hack into communications programs nearly five times a day." Liara attempted to usher her away from her station. "I am sending messages and relaying signals from various resources constantly as the Shadow Broker. I'm quite certain I can handle any Alliance signal we might find."

Nodding, Sam lowered her head in both defeat and relief, glancing up as long strands of hair fell into her eyes. "I suppose a quick kip couldn't hurt."

"Good," Liara said, not quite sure what a 'kip' was, but she assumed her offer had been accepted. "Go on then, I'll handle things down here for a while."

Samantha took Liara by surprise, wrapping her arms around the asari. "Thank you." Her voice was low with fatigue.

Liara gently patted the woman on the back. "Of course, now _go_." She nodded toward the elevator as Sam shut off her personal email log and gave her station over to Liara, before making her exit. As soon as the Comm Specialist had disappeared around the corner, Liara slipped away from the Comm Station, heading toward the bridge to speak with the pilot in question.

The moment the door glided open, Liara saw Joker in his seat, reading a message on his _own_ private terminal. She knew at once it was the message from Traynor and couldn't help but wonder why they were sending secretive emails when they were literally sixty feet away from one another.

"Jeff?" She murmured carefully, watching him jump and quickly close the message. "I'm sorry," She quickly inserted, "I seem to have that effect on people."

"You're like a ninja smurf or something! Jesus, Liara!" Joker clutched his chest dramatically, spinning his chair to face her.

She stared at him in bemusement. "I…a _what?"_

Joker shook his head, fanning himself and making her roll her eyes. "Not nearly enough time to explain." He sighed, adjusting his hat. "What's up?"

Liara brought up her Omni-tool. "I have something I—"

She was cut off by a resounding beep that echoed through the cockpit. Both pairs of eyes, green and blue, turned to see the yellow communications light blinking on Joker's display.

"It's an Alliance message!" He cried, turning sharply in his chair and activating the message. "It's heading to the war room," he said, glancing back as Liara sprinted out of the room and down the bridge, her previous point forgotten in the excitement. As she reached the CIC, she heard the elevator open and watched as Samantha rushed out, adjusting her half fastened uniform. Garrus, Kaidan and Dr. Chakwas were on her heels, equally enlivened.

Liara beat them through the door into the war room and raced down the steps and towards the comm, hitting the receive button and watching, surrounded by her crewmates, as a large, blurry figure came into view.

"N—Normandy?" It was Admiral Hackett. Liara had never been so happy to see that scarred, war weary, serious face. "Can you hear me? Are you receiving this?"

"Yes, Admiral Hackett, yes we are!" Liara cried, vaguely aware of the crowd pouring into the room.

"I'll be damned," he sighed in voice that was full of relief. "You've made it. Any casualties?" He asked, taking in the number of people filling up behind Liara.

"None—" she stopped herself, lowering her head. "None from the crash, just…those we lost on Earth. Shepard."

She felt Garrus' hand at her lower back, supporting her.

"So…you had zero casualties then," The Admiral told her in a different tone. He sounded almost…happy. It was slightly disconcerting, making Liara's heart pound.

"What do you mean?" She asked, gripping Garrus' arm as Tali flanked her from the other side, wrapping an arm around her waist, bright eyes hopeful behind her mask.

For the first time ever, Liara saw Hackett smile; a somewhat terrifying sight and yet, nice all at once. "Dr. T'Soni, your commanding officer is alive. Toughest kid I've ever had the privilege to know."

Liara nearly collapsed, but Garrus caught her, holding her on her feet. "She's—" Her voice broke with the word as the room erupted in victorious cries of celebration. Liara was distantly aware that she was being lifted into the air. Garrus. He set her down and she was vaguely aware of someone excitedly kissing her cheek as arms wrapped around arms and Liara found herself at the center of one massive group hug, burying her face into the broad security of Garrus' chest and letting herself sob.

Kaidan stepped up to finish the communications with Hackett. "Admiral," He said in a suspiciously wobbly voice, sniffing through his grin, "We'll be hitting the Charon Relay soon, heading your way."

Liara looked up through watery eyes to see the Admiral nod stoically, though a smile threatened at the corners of his lips. "Major," he addressed Kaidan, "Fair warning…there will be a sea of people, of all races, ready to greet you with open arms. Safe journey, Normandy."

The two men saluted each other.

"Yes _sir," _Kaidan grinned, swiping at tears, "We'll see you soon."

_Finally, _Liara thought as she was pulled into Tali's arms next. _Finally, some good news._


	8. Chapter Seven

**AN/ **Thank you to everyone who's reviewed and followed along.

Bear with me on the Shepard/Liara reunion, just building up to it, lol. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter ;)

* * *

**Chapter Seven**

Through all the troubling things she'd seen in her life; the attack on Mindoir; the Blitz; the Geth invasion on Eden Prime; the Collector Base; even during the war with the Reapers, Shepard had always considered herself lucky to have kept her sanity.

However, none of those things could have compared to sitting in a hospital bed with absolutely nothing to do for a full week. She'd watched everything the television had to offer and had found nothing but false news reports, bad documentaries on the war and something about putting one person from every species into a house together on the Citadel and seeing if they could live together (once it was rebuilt, that is).

It made her long for life on the Normandy.

So, thanks to boredom, Shepard had taken to writing. Not that she was particularly skilled as a writer, but it felt _good_ to put her story into her _own_ words rather than hearing some bullshit account on the news. Nobody _really _knew the extent of the things she had seen in her remarkably short life. Who better to tell the story of Commander Shepard than the subject herself?

Of course, she had absolutely no intention of ever showing it anyone; in fact, the thought was slightly terrifying to her. It was just oddly freeing to put her life into words; to know that when she was gone, at least someone would get it right. Even if another person never laid eyes on it, at least Shepard could take comfort that her family was more than memory; that her struggles after their deaths were not in vain; that the secret cloying fear that had lingered over her every moment of the Reaper War was worth every nightmarish moment. Over the course of a very long week, Shepard found herself with a pile of handwritten pages and continued to nag her nurse to bring more. Paper was somewhat scarce in a hospital since everything had gone digital over a century before.

Word traveled fast, and it seemed like her nurse had blabbed that the infamous Commander was scrawling furiously on a legal pad for hours upon hours in her recovery room. Every person who visited asked for a peek, desperate to know the story that the enigmatic savior was trying to tell. For her part, Shepard vehemently refused, unwilling to let the critical eyes of others dissect her writing; her life.

A soft rap at the door drew Shepard's attention away from her writing. Quickly setting her work aside, she turned to see the immovable Admiral Hackett standing in the doorway looking pale, tired and frankly, worn down. She could relate; the war had kicked everyone's asses.

"Admiral." Instinctively, she made to rise so that she could salute her superior, but he gestured for her to stop.

"At ease, Commander." A small smile played at his lips as she reluctantly eased back against the pillows. "I'm just here to check up on you. What with so much going on, there hasn't really been time to make sure you're doing okay."

Shepard grinned, despite herself. At first glance, Hackett was a hard ass, but over time, it had become obvious that he cared about the people under his command; every single one of them. No soldier was a statistic to him; they were people. It was a trait that set him head and shoulders over other military officials; what had made him a great leader.

"I'm fine, sir," She sighed, "A little restless and more than a little bored, but I have to say, waking up every morning knowing I'm not going to be shot at all day is a nice change of pace."

Hackett nodded, pulling up a chair to sit beside the bed, holding his Alliance hat in his hands. "I understand that, Commander. I have a few matters I would like to discuss with you, if you're up for it?"

"Absolutely," Shepard answered with piqued interest, sitting up straighter in the bed.

"The Council is…determined…to throw some kind of massive ceremony in your honor, in honor of your crew and those we lost in the fight. They…" Hackett hesitated, making Shepard nervous. "They wish to construct a memorial in your honor."

"Oh no," Shepard groaned, knowingly, rubbing her temples, "Not a statue…I don't want to stand next to the big Krogan and see people climbing all over me!"

Hackett nodded, the hint of a smirk on his scarred lip. "I figured you would answer that way. That's why I've convinced the Council to erect a monument of the Normandy, and your name will be present on a plaque accompanying the statue, along with everyone that's served on your ship. The galaxy is lining up in droves to with requests to pay tribute to you, Commander. To _thank_ you. I know you don't want the attention, but you did save us all…so there's nothing to be done. The galaxy merely wishes to extend its gratitude."

It still felt strange to comprehend the depth of what had been accomplished over the past four years. To Shepard, that had simply been the norm; clawing their way out of one fight and heading straight into another. Nobody ever boasted about being a hero; they just did what needed to be done. Many of her crew weren't even soldiers; it wasn't their duty to protect the galaxy, but they did so out of honor; out of loyalty.

She had never considered the magnitude of their achievement until now.

"I like it," She nodded approvingly, "The people that served with me deserve to be honored." Shepard wondered if something in her voice gave away her heartfelt concern for her missing crew, because Hackett immediately perked up, rising from his chair with purpose. For a horrifying moment, Shepard thought he might hug her, but he didn't, placing his hands behind his back and turning kind eyes on her.

"I suppose I should have mentioned this first," he began, making her heart race in anticipation as she braced herself for whatever would be on the other end of this statement. "I'm happy to report that the crew of the Normandy is, at this very moment, on their way home. Here, specifically."

Kaitlin felt her heart swell at the news, while a lump formed in her throat, making it difficult to speak as tears burned the corners of her eyes. "They're okay?"

"Yes," Hackett smiled, genuinely. "They should be docking within the next forty-eight hours."

Kate had never been given to tears; not even when she'd been in the midst of the rigors and pain of war, but she had certain shed her share over the course of the past few days. It felt good though, as if the stress was pouring out of her.

"So, Liara—"

"Dr. T'Soni was the one I spoke with first," Hackett confirmed. "To say she was enthusiastic would be a colossal understatement. Everyone was."

Shepard smiled through her tears, unable to convey how completely happy she was; she could never explain how much Liara – and _all_ of them – meant to her. There were so many things that would have to be said when they arrived; so many emotions. Too much had been left unsaid when she'd said her last goodbyes to Liara, right before she'd charged toward what she'd thought was her death.

Her hand itched to write down what she wanted to say to each and every one of them.

"Anyway, Commander, I should get going," Hackett sighed, adjusting the brim of his hat, "there are a lot of fires waiting to be put out."

"Admiral," Shepard called after him when he was halfway to the door. He turned back, glancing at her over his shoulder. "How are the other races doing? The rest of the galaxy." She gave him an apologetic look. "There's only so much I can get out of the vids. My only other source of information is Miranda and she leaves the hospital about as much as I do."

Hackett nodded, letting out a slow exhale, crossing back to her bedside. "The Council is working around the clock to round up the leaders of each race to rebuild some kind of stability within the various governments of the galaxy. They're all working together around the clock. The Citadel is obviously the top priority, being that it's the hub of galactic peace and needs to be fixed so we can start doling out instructions. Humanity is looking for a new Councilor, what with Udina's coup and Anderson—" Hackett stopped abruptly, his expression darkening and causing Kaitlin's stomach to drop. All of her earlier relief dissipated as her mind conjured the image of Anderson drawing his final breath. Until this point, she hadn't allowed herself to acknowledge it; it had been lingering on the outer edges of her consciousness, but she wasn't ready to face it head on quite yet.

"They've offered the position to me," Hackett continued, "I had to diplomatically decline, which, as you know is not an easy feat with the Council."

Shepard buried her grief for her mentor, chuckling at the Admiral's words. "_Please,"_ She begged, "Don't offer my name as an alternate."

"Commander, the Councilors are grateful to you, undoubtedly, but if I'm being perfectly honest, you terrify them. " Hackett replied in amusement, patting her shoulder. "You're a credit to your uniform Commander, I mean that. The finest soldier I've ever had the privilege of knowing."

She said nothing in response, nodding and smiling. They exchanged a quick goodbye before the Admiral took his leave. She'd never considered herself anything special; still didn't, really. Yet she could not deny that she was touched by her superior's kind words; humbled even.

Shepard had always wondered whether her parents would have been proud of her. Hackett's words told her all she needed to know.

Quietly, she retrieved the writing she'd set aside and resumed her task.

* * *

"Knock knock?"

Joker's nerves tingled at the sound of Samantha's soft voice as she came into the cockpit, where he was prepping the Normandy for its final approach toward Earth.

"Come in," He said, not looking up. "Wasn't sure if I'd actually get to talk to you or just get the sixth grade break up email."

Sam sighed, though she sounded like she was smiling. "My parents never let me use the Extranet when I was in sixth grade." Joker cast his eyes over to her wryly. "Not the point," she winced, "Listen, Joker, I—" She sagged in defeat. "I'm sorry."

"Don't." He waved dismissively. "I figured as much, I mean…I'm not exactly a great catch to _straight _women. I didn't figure I'd have much of a chance to keep a hot lesbian." Traynor grinned a bit, though her eyes remained contrite.

"It's not you, Joker. It's me." He rolled his eyes, giving her a dubious look. "I'm serious!" Her hands went up in surrender. " You have no idea how messed up my mind is right now!"

"So much so that you bumped uglies with a dude?"

"_Yes!" _ She answered loudly, surprising him. "Look, I've spent my whole life knowing that I was only ever interested in women. I was hit on by footballers at school and every other type of male you could imagine but it never did anything for me. I've had girlfriends and I've spent my entire adult life proud of my sexuality. I don't want you to be a casualty of me trying to figure out what in the bloody hell is going on in my own head."

"You know," He began, turning to humor; his fail safe, "Believe it or not, if you need a man to sexually vent your frustrations with, I'm _willing_ to take that hit."

Sam glowered at him, but he saw her struggling to maintain the fierce look as the corners of her lips threatened to curve upward. "I'm sure," she conceded dryly, "but I couldn't do that to you. Despite the fact that you're a proper asshole—" Joker smirked proudly. "I do care about you."

"So what do you want?" He asked, turning his chair completely around to look her in the eyes. "Do you want to pretend it never happened? Go back to being friends? Have sex right here in the cockpit? I'm _kinda_ leaning towards option C myself."

"Jeff—"

"Traynor," He cut her off, "You're beautiful, and smart and funny and your accent is _so _hot but…damn it girl, you think _too much_."

She laughed, tersely. "A curse I've been burdened with my entire life."

"It's your call, and if you want to pretend it didn't happen and go back to being friends then we can do that," he told her, "But, despite the sexy beard, bad ass piloting skills and the fact that I've helmed the ship captained by the greatest war hero of our generation." Growing serious, he added, "Moments like we had the other night don't happen very often for me."

"It doesn't happen for me very often as well. The war makes it…difficult…to find time for…er…release."

Joker groaned in agreement. "_Tell_ me about it. I've been on this ship for three years now. We can't _all _find a sex partner in the first asari we pop out of a Prothean bubble."

"Liara _is_ gorgeous, isn't she?" Sam mused, more to herself than to Joker.

"See!" He cried pointedly, gesturing wildly with his arm, "_Look_ at how much we have in common!"

"You're a nut." She murmured this with a grin.

Joker shrugged casually, smirking. "Hey, _you're_ the one who said I was attractive."

"I did _not!"_ She cried, laughing and covering her flushing face with her hands.

"Oh, you _so_ did! I remember 'cause you said it in that hot accent." He mimicked her, attempting to imitate her accent and failing. "_'You're being attractive, stop being attractive'._"

Samantha burst out laughing, nudging his foot gently with hers.

"Whoa, _hey_ now, you could break something!" He teased, feigning hurt as he pulled his foot away.

"I'm quite certain we were _bumping _together a lot harder than that the other night."

Jeff looked up at her with a smirk, noticing the wicked gleam in her eyes. "That we were," He agreed, glancing at the door and back to Sam who was chewing on her lower lip, lost in thought. "This door locks, you know? And we're about forty-five minutes out from Earth."

Sam glanced longingly at the door before looking back at Joker. "I just told you I'm _struggling_ with an identity crisis, and here you are trying to _seduce_ me!"

"Ha! _Seduce _you?" He let out a loud chuckle. "Is _that_ what I'm doing? I was just being a smart ass but hey, if it's working then hell _yes _I'm seducing you."

Sam groaned, sagging against the back of his chair. "Joker, I've never had sex anywhere but on a bed before and _certainly _never in the cockpit of a sodding warship."

"You'd never had sex with a _guy_ before either and I broke that barrier." He proclaimed proudly, before wincing as he realized what he'd said. "Wait…that was an unintentionally horrible pun." To his utter surprise, he watched in speechless wonder as Sam used her Omni-tool to lock the cockpit. Her eyes were full of mischief as she crossed to the pilot's chair and settled carefully into his lap, removing his hat and placing it on her head. Her fingers combed maddeningly through his overgrown hair, following the strands from root to slightly curling ends.

"What did I tell you?" She scolded in a low voice. "Stop. Being. Attractive."

He waggled his eyebrows suggestively at her. "It's not really something I can control—"

She kissed him.


	9. Chapter Eight

**AN/ **Thank you for the follows, the reviews, the support and everything. And thank you to my beta for making me look better than I am ;)

Flashbacks in _ITALICS_

* * *

**Chapter Eight**

_Looking up through the small crack in the wooden planks above her, she saw that the sun was coming up again. For so long, Kaitlin had seen the sunrise each day as a chance to start over. No matter how crappy the day before had been, the sun always rose to illuminate another day; that had been a bit of Hannah Shepard wisdom. Of course, at the time she'd rolled her eyes and had brushed it off as whimsical nonsense. No, she'd have given anything to hear her mother say it again. _

_A part of her knew that she hadn't fully grasped the tragedy of what had occurred the day before. Her mind was numb to it; it was why she hadn't cried; why she'd only run and moved on instinct, unable to stop trembling. The adrenaline pumping vigorously through her veins had distracted her from having to think about what had happened. In a matter of moments, everything she had ever known and loved had been ripped mercilessly from her grasp. Her eyes filled with tears as visions of her parents' smiling faces swam before her eyes. _

_A scraping sound pulled her out of her thoughts, drawing her attention to the prone body across from her. Feeble movement brought Kaitlin to her knees, crawling toward the broken form of her friend. She was no doctor, but she had a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach about how this was going to end. The damage was too severe; beyond help. A dirty T-shirt tied over a gaping stomach wound couldn't – wouldn't – save her. All Kaitlin could do for her had been to drag her into a safe, dark place to die. _

_Cassidy looked beautiful, despite being a hair's breadth from death. Her brilliant blue eyes seemed iridescent in the light slipping through the wood above. _

_"Hey you," Kaitlin whispered as blue eyes found her own. "Not exactly those Citadel hotels we used to look up on the Extranet, huh?"_

_The girl laughed weakly, cringing in pain after. "You have to run."_

_Kaitlin shook her head. "I'm _not_ leaving you here."_

_"I—I'm…dying." _

_"No."_

_"Kate—"_

_"No!" She screamed, feeling her throat hitch. "You're all I have left." _

_The girl reached up with a trembling hand and touched Kaitlin's cheek, using the pad of her thumb to smooth away a tear, smearing a clean streak across dirt stained skin. "You have—" She coughed violently. "The rest of your life left." _

_"Why are you doing this?" Kaitlin pleaded, " Why are you saying this? Stop worrying about me!" _

_"Katie," the girl's voice rasped out her name. "I don't want to die." Kaitlin bit her lip hard as she failed to fight the sob that escaped her throat. "But it…hurts. I can't—" _

_Kaitlin realized she was being selfish. This girl was _dying _and all she could think about was herself. She fought tears as she glanced up into Cassidy's face, bringing the fragile hand pressed against her cheek to her lips. _

_"I just want you to know that—" The secret she'd kept for so long was about to come spilling out of her. Even now, even knowing it wouldn't matter in moments, she was terrified. "I love you. I'm…in love with you, Cassidy." _

_Blue eyes bore into green for countless moments before Cassidy managed a faltering smile, squeezing Kaitlin's hand. "I knew."_

_"You did?" _

_Cassidy nodded tearfully. "Yeah, I'm sorry I couldn't—"_

_"No, no…" Kaitlin whispered. "You knew and you didn't leave me. That's…more than enough." _

_"Don't—" Another weak cough, not much more than a gurgle. "Don't you dare die down here. Do you understand me?" _

_Tears flowed down her cheeks and over her nose as Kaitlin nodded, smiling down at her failingly with both of her hands clasped around Cassidy's cold hand. "I promise."_

_Smiling, Cassidy eased her head back down and sighed before her eyes fluttered closed. Kaitlin's head bowed with the realization that she would never see those blue eyes stare into hers again. She waited patiently, reeling for what seemed like hours until her best friend's breathing slowed and came to a gentle halt when the life slipped quietly out of her body. _

"Cass!" Shepard cried, sitting up sharply in her bed and immediately feeling a pain shoot from the bottom of her foot all the way up her back. "Oh, Christ!" She fell back down limply against soft pillows and groaned as a body moved swiftly to reach her side.

"Shepard!" It was Miranda. "What's wrong?" The brunette asked, pulling up her Omni-tool to scan the Commander.

Shepard waved her off. "No, no it's nothing just…a nightmare."

Taking a deep breath, Miranda slumped down into the chair next to the bed and shook her head. "You scared the _hell_ out of me."

"Sorry, scared me too." Shepard admitted, trying to shake her dream. "What are you doing here?"

"Being bored, standing watch…waiting, I suppose. The Normandy will be touching down soon and I wanted to keep everyone away from you until they arrived."

Shepard smiled. "Thanks. God knows I don't need Diana Allers shoving her camera in my face anymore."

"I still cannot believe you let that woman on your ship," Miranda quipped, raising an eyebrow at Shepard, who grinned cheekily at her.

"Yeah well, I saved those quarters for you, but you were off fighting your father and saving your sister and putting tracers on dumbass assassins."

"Touché, though you had problems with me filing reports about you," Miranda countered, evenly, "I have to think I rank above Diana Allers."

"_You _do, but she was reporting to some news program," Shepard pointed out dryly, "_You_ were reporting to the crazy bastard who wanted to control Reapers."

Miranda cringed and nodded. "Touché." A comfortable silence fell over them, until Miranda's curiosity got the better of her. "So, if you don't mind my asking; who's Cass?"

Kaitlin's eyes went wide as saucers. "What?" The question came out sharper than she'd meant it to.

"Oh…I…" The brunette faltered, "When you woke up, you shouted that name. I—I apologize. I didn't mean to bring up anything." Miranda was legitimately curious. She'd spent so much time during the Lazarus Project learning everything she could about the Commander, but that name had never come up. Cass, or any variation of the name was new, and yet, this reaction indicated that it was someone who had been important to Shepard. Sometimes, Miranda had a hard time grasping all of the things that Shepard had endured.

To her credit, Shepard softened and laid back down on the pillows, sighing in defeat. "She was just…someone from another life."

"Mindoir?" Miranda asked, immediately regretting asking. Genetically altered to be perfect, and yet she couldn't have one alteration to take the foot out of her damned mouth.

"Yeah," Shepard nodded with hollow eyes, "Mindoir."

Miranda didn't have the courage to press any further. Mercifully, Miranda's Omni-tool chirped a moment later. "They're here," she said, grinning at Shepard, who was suddenly stricken with an overwhelming frustration at not being able to climb out of her bed and run to see them.

She gave Miranda a desperate look. "Please, go get them, bring them here immediately. I don't care which ones you find. Joker or Garrus. if he can get his hands off Tali's ass…just," Shepard's next words were very simple and stern, more akin to the commands she used to give on the battlefield. "Make sure Liara is in _this_ room. I don't want her helping Javik's cranky ass adjust to Earth's atmosphere or wandering off to see some wreckage of Harbinger. None of them. _Here_, ASAP."

"Yes Ma'am," Miranda said, standing upright and saluting with a massive smirk on her face as she left Shepard alone with her thoughts. Shepard was troubled by a myriad of images from Mindoir to the war; all of the tragic things she'd seen in her life seemed to blur the line between past and present; from fiction and reality. It wasn't normal; _couldn't _be.

Which was why she needed Liara. With Liara by her side, it would stop; she was certain. The asari had become more than just a lover to her. She was Shepard's spoil of war; shy, powerful, smart and beautifully sexy. Falling in love with Liara had been the easiest thing Shepard had ever done.

Liara would fix everything or nothing would.

* * *

Liara was a nervous wreck. Her hands were shaking, feet impatiently tapping against the floor as she anticipated docking on Earth.

"Settle down, T'Soni," a deep, steady voice came from behind her. Liara turned to see Garrus looking down at her with kind eyes. "I'm not sure how asari pregnancies work, but I'm pretty sure stress isn't good for the baby no matter what the species."

It had only been this morning that Liara had confessed her secret to him and Tali, who had been both understanding and supportive. (Tali had actually squealed in delight at the prospect of babies, causing Garrus to urge her not to "get any ideas".)

Telling them had been the easy part; it was Shepard's reaction Liara was worried about. It would be emotional enough just to see her again and to hold her. Surprising her with this news...it terrified Liara.

Of course, it wasn't as if they'd never talked about children; they'd promised to have little blue babies, after all. But, Liara had done this on her own without telling Shepard. In her fear over the very real possibility of losing Kate, she'd taken what she needed to keep a piece of the only person she'd ever truly loved.

The sound of the clamps attaching to the ship as they docked brought her swiftly back to the present. A comforting arm covered her shoulders, pulling her against battered armor. Liara looked helplessly up at Garrus, who gave her the turian equivalent of a comforting grin.

"It's gonna be alright, you know." His voice was so confident, so reassuring, she almost believed him.

As the ship pressurized, Liara found herself being moved forward by her own legs as everyone on the ship came along with her. The doors opened and the bright sun shimmered through the glass ceiling of the docking bay down onto her. It was beautiful, trees cascading over rolling hills and in the distance she could see an endless run of blue ocean water. Outside of fighting the Reapers on London, this was her first time on Earth.

She'd heard stories of how it had fallen, become less than what it was with overpopulation and pollution. However, seeing it this stunning now made her wonder how it had been before.

Liara wondered if it was just her new perspective. Like seeing the world through a new set of eyes. Seeing a world without Reapers, a world she hadn't known for nearly five years now.

As the descended down the steps of the docking bay towards the ground, Liara noticed the mass of people waiting for them. Soldiers, from every race, reports as well and the bulk of the crowd seemed like nothing more than civilians just waiting. It made her feel small, to think of all the people in this world who were free now. It wasn't just her, it was billions of families from every species that would have a chance. She felt pride in knowing she'd been a part of that, that maybe some of her work as the Shadow Broker or fighting along the crew of the Normandy had made a difference.

A flash in her mind of Benezia struck as she wondered what her mother might think of her now. Liara could only hope she'd be proud

"Now, you have to promise me you won't biotically throw any reporters out of your way," Garrus chimed in, causing Tali to chuckle behind him.

Liara glanced back at the both of them as she continued down the steps. They were hand in hand. It was the first time she'd really seen them act that way, like a couple. She smiled.

"I make no promises."

"Yeah, Liara's kinda twisted since she took over as the Broker." Joker said, a few steps behind them.

"And we will not mention that word again when we reach the bottom of this docking port," Liara chided, threateningly as a smile played at her lips. "_Will_ we?"

Joker raised his hands in defense. "Oh _no._ ma'am, I don't need you flaying me alive or anything."

"What?" Tali asked, sounding surprised.

"Oh, Shepard didn't tell you?" Garrus returned with a laugh. "Dr. T'Soni here was making Matriarch level threats to poor humans when Shepard and I found her on Illium."

"Fear is a weapon," Liara returned, smoothly, "I believe our friend Wrex taught us both this." She quipped, making Garrus laugh even harder.

"I wonder where that cranky old Krogan is," The turian questioned as they neared the bottom floor.

Liara caught sight of Miranda waiting for them, standing with six Alliance officers, who seemed as if they were guarding the exit. When the door opened, Miranda cast her gaze to them all standing together and waiting as the rest of the galaxy watched, and smiled widely. It was the first real smile that many of them could say they'd ever seen from Ms. Lawson.

"Aren't you all a sight for sore eyes?" Stepping forward, she extended her hand to Liara who was at the bottom of the steps. "I've been given strict orders to get you to Commander Shepard as _soon_ as possible." Liara became flustered; Shepard was waiting for her. The playful tone in Miranda's voice shattered the hidden fear that perhaps Shepard didn't miss her. Of course, Liara never _truly_ had thought it to be true, but apparently she'd considered the possibility, because the relief that washed over her nearly made her collapse on the spot (or perhaps that was the pregnancy). "I'm afraid _this_ one is the only one I've been told to bring immediately. You'll all have to find your own way to Shepard at one point or another." Miranda then took Liara by the hand and started to guide her through the crowd.

"Oh I see how it is," Joker called after them, barely audible over the roar of the crowd, "take the one with the pretty blue butt!"

Liara was a bit overwhelmed by the chaos, as the Alliance officers shielded her from various reporters and the outstretched arms of people who recognized her face. She could not make any sense out of the jumble of questions being thrown in her direction, so she closed her eyes, ignoring it and letting Miranda guide her through. It made her long for Prothean dig sites and spending weeks alone, with no one to talk to but herself.

It hadn't been until she'd been truly accepted by Shepard and her crew as they hunted Saren, that Liara had realized how lonely she'd become in her old life. She'd loved the work wholeheartedly, but the down time had been monotonously empty. She'd spent so much of her first century alone, that she was still adjusting to having people in her life who she cared about. The thought of losing any of them was unbearable.

"Hang on, Dr. T'Soni! We're almost there! You need clearance to get into the hospital!" Miranda said, nearly screaming over the noise of the crowd. Once they reached the doorway, they paused and Liara looked up to see Miranda flashing her Omni-tool at a posted guard and suddenly, the doors whooshed open as as Miranda pulled her into the hospital.

After the doors closed behind them, it was quiet.

"By the Goddess, that was—" she lost her train of thought as she glanced behind her at the people through the windows, all still clamoring. She wondered about the others; worried about them.

"Insane?" Miranda finished for her. "It's been that way for a while. We haven't told Shepard about it yet, she's not big on fame and…well…there's no one more famous than her right now."

Liara sighed, knowing that Kaitlin would hate all of this attention. It was the one part of her job that Kate despised. "That's probably for the best."

The sounds of footsteps drew Liara's attention as she turned to see Miranda moving away from her and hurried to catch up.

"How is she?" Liara asked, overcome with curiosity. "What were her injuries?"

The brunette sighed. "What _weren't_ her injuries might be an easier question. Her legs were shattered; we've reset and implanted the bones to make them stronger, but they'll take time to heal. She broke them in a variety of places. One of her kidneys was lacerated, and she was covered in bruises. We're fairly certain that when the ground beneath her fell after…whatever it was she did aboard the Citadel, that she landed on her legs because her upper body, for the most part, was okay. She had some burns on her arms and torso that we believe are from..." She sucked in a breath before continuing, "…the main weapon of a Reaper."

Liara gasped. "How did she survive that?"

"How does she survive _anything?" _ Miranda asked with a wry chuckle. Some things about the Commander were better left unknown. They reached an elevator and stood in silence as it started to make the climb. Liara swayed from one foot to the other, trying to seem patient when she was anything but. Not to mention, the elevator was making her nausea flare. Feeling eyes on her, she glanced over to see Miranda staring at her with a wry smile. "You're pregnant." Another gasp (she really was dramatic sometimes).

"How could you know that?"

Miranda laughed. "You have all the signs." Liara immediately glanced at her stomach, touching the flat surface; it hadn't started to show yet. Another laugh from the human. "All the _other _signs. You've got a glistening of sweat even though it's really quite cool in here, you had your hands on your stomach the entire time we were rushing through the crowd and I can practically feel the rush of your biotics at any time pouring off your body. Something I know is associated with asari pregnancy, biotic flares."

With a heavy sigh, Liara rested back against the wall of the elevator and closed her eyes. "Well if I couldn't hide it from _you,_ than I'm quite certain that Shepard will sense it from a mile away."

"Why would you want to hide it from her?" Miranda asked, confused.

"I—I wouldn't I just…don't know how she's going to react."

"This is what you both wanted though isn't it?" She patted Liara on the shoulder. "To start a family after the war?" The elevator door opened to reveal another long hallway. The human started out first with Liara close in tow.

_I hope so_, she thought as she saw Miranda stop in front of the third door down. "And…here we are." As Miranda glanced back at Liara, who was still lingering at a distance in the hallway, she smiled. "Doctor, it's just Shepard. I promise you she's no different. A bit crankier because she's been in a bed for a week, but seeing you should change that."

Liara nodded, suddenly feeling very silly. It was Shepard; _her_ Shepard; the woman she'd fallen in love with so completely. Taking a tentative step toward the door, she felt Miranda place a hand on her shoulder, before starting away.

"I should see if I can help the rest of the crew through the press," She told Liara, "I worry Garrus might start shooting reporters. God knows we don't need that press."

Barely registering the words spoken as Miranda left, Liara licked her drying lips and turned the handle on the door. The first thing she saw was Kaitlin's face, dimly illuminated by the datapad she was staring at as she rested against a large bundle of pillows. Her legs were heavily bandaged, with thick casts covering them both. The cuts and bruises on her body, though fading, were still evident and made Liara cringe. The last time she'd seen Shepard, she was telling her she loved her and racing off towards Harbinger.

Seeing her like this now, with no more threat of Reapers, just…resting, was overwhelming.

"You're losing your knack for sensing everything around you," Liara said, her voice betraying her as Kaitlin turned bright green eyes on the asari. The datapad fell benignly to the mattress.

"Getting lost in news reports…apparently they're making a movie," she joked, though she didn't smile. In fact, if Liara were being honest, it looked somewhat like she was clenching her jaw.

Liara's eyes welled up, though she managed a wobbly smile. "Do you suppose they'll paint a human blue to play my role?" She hesitantly approached the bed..

"They'll probably set me up with Joker." Shepard muttered, rolling her eyes and trying to sit up.

"We'd never hear the end of it." Liara returned in a similar tone, before sitting down next to her Commander, leaning into her broken body. Kaitlin carefully wrapped her arms around Liara as the asari buried her face against Shepard's shoulder and gripped desperately to the backs of her hospital gown. "I didn't think I was ever going to see you again."

Kaitlin kissed the juncture of her neck and shoulder. "You made me promise I'd come back, remember?" Her words were teasing, but her voice wavered on the last couple of words.

"You also promised to show me what a monkey is." Liara said through a tearful chuckle.

Shepard let out a sharp laugh, holding her bondmate tighter. "There's time for that now." Kaitlin smirked with her cheek against the top of Liara's head. "Liara, you smell like grease and cheap human body spray."

"Oh Goddess." Liara pulled back sharply, but Shepard caught her by the arms. "I—I the water ran out while we were stranded, I've been bathing in river water and spraying myself with Kaidan's human sanitizer. I'm so sorry. I should have—"

"Hey," Kaitlin leaned in and kissed her. "I don't _care._ You're here. My room has a shower you can use and then maybe I can let the nurses show you how to give _me_ a sponge bath." She winked, causing Liara to flush and look down at her hands. "The woman who's been doing it has the hardest grip. I swear she works for Cerberus and is trying to kill me." Liara's silence worried Shepard as she crooked her index finger beneath Liara's chin, drawing her blue eyes up to meet hers. "What's wrong?"

"I need…I just," Liara faltered, knowing this was her moment to do what she had to do; she had to come clean. But she'd just gotten Shepard back, it was the first time she'd ever held her with any sort of true promise of a tomorrow. So often she'd gone to sleep next to Kaitlin worrying that the next day might be their last together. How could she ruin this now? They were just getting started.

"I'm happy to see you, a little overwhelmed and very tired." She sighed. _Coward._

Later.

Kaitlin smiled. "Then you need to shower, and sleep." The blonde attempted to shift over to make room for Liara to lie beside her. Liara gasped with worry but Shepard brushed her off. "Here," she patted the bed. "Because _you_ don't get to leave until _I_ do."

"Is that right?"

"Oh, that's an order." Shepard said, seeming serious enough that Liara had to laugh.

_Knock, knock._

Both turned to the door to see Miranda peeking her head in. "My apologies, but there seems to be a line forming outside."

"Yeah can you let us in please? Archangel is getting _bitchy_!" Joker. Shepard smiled, they were all here. All safe, all back with her. She was _so _lucky.

Her eyes moved to Liara who nodded and gestured towards the shower she would no doubt be heading toward.

"My sweatshirt is in that bag over there, you can wear it when you're done." She kissed the asari once more. "So wait," she grabbed Liara's arm. "You actually bathed in a _river?"_

"Well it was just the one time, we all did at some point."

Shepard smirked. "That's pretty hot, were you like…washing yourself and—wait, Joker didn't spy on you did he? 'Cause I'll kill him."

Liara felt her tension fade. _She hasn't changed a bit_.


End file.
